


Friction

by LiquidMarble



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Asphyxiation, Character Study, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Dark Victor Nikiforov, Drama, Emotional Manipulation, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Infidelity, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, POV Alternating, Possessive Behavior, Psychological Drama, Rape, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Sex, Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-25
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:34:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24378058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiquidMarble/pseuds/LiquidMarble
Summary: Viktor retired from skating in the light of the scandal. Since then the only bright piece of his life was Yuuri but it’s difficult to compromise Yuuri’s career with Viktor demands. Skater heart is like glass – fragile and easy to break. Love can turn all the tables around and supposedly change everything but sometimes things are not as they appear. This is a story of growing and cracking, of calling and reaching; story of lonely souls searching for their heavens.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Comments: 6
Kudos: 58





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So this is my first long story. Obviously all the tags don’t apply for every chapter and with the more touchy ones I’ll make sure to let you know beforehand. Also English is not my first language and this fic is not beta-read, so please excuse all my mistakes.  
> Also you can find references in the end notes in some of the chapters. Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I’ll call Japanese Yuuri by Yura and Yurochka since they are just diminutive form of name “Yuri” – and since “Yuuri” is Japanese equivalent for “Yuri” I thought that would be cute and pretty accurate if Viktor will call his boyfriend like that. While speaking about Russian Yuri I’ll make sure to accent who I’m talking about.

**Prologue**

**Late night**

Whole place was quiet in anticipation. No one dared to move, even whisper, scared to shatter this glass, silent aura covering everything. Air was almost trembling when first sound has reached my ears. Then a single spot of light appeared, gently lighting lean figure standing in the middle of it. Another chords has made this almost illusionary shape to move, smoothly shifting his form and creating tangled, carved, embroidered patterns on the ice. Music has become quicker, more defined. Every beat has been followed by a gesture, every strum was accompanied by a step. As a pulsation of music started reaching its peak skater’s moves became more rapid, almost violent, but never unintentional, never ungraceful. Then, when sound noted high pitch there was a jump, and then another, followed by a series of effortless twizzles[1]. Crowd was still speechless, enchanted or maybe cursed by the spectacle happening in front of them. Along with theirs, my eyes keeps following that men, figure so close, but still far out of reach. I couldn't tell his face from up here – just a blurred outline of his profile, then a distant flesh reflecting in his eyes. It doesn't really matter though. I have learned it by heart, touching, caressing it with my fingers and mouth, a pleasure foreign to everyone but me.

Lights became more vivid by the end of the music. Cantilever[2] followed by dimmed in purple shadows step sequence announced end of the program. When the skater stopped in the middle of the rink silence was overwhelming, but it quickly turned for enthusiastic ovation. All I saw was how rapidly his chest was moving and how flustered his face was. I smiled to myself, and gathered my stuff. There was nothing else to be seen here, nothing I’ve already seen anyway, I thought while leaving the arena. Crowd was still cheering him when the entrance doors shut down behind my back. He deserved it, he deserved to be worshiped, to be praised and loved. So I’ll let people watch him and I’ll let them cheer on him, all because I know that all that matters for him is only me. As it should be.

***

Sun set down a while ago and now the moon was reigning the sky over the city. Rain drops keeps banging on the window, strains of water sliding over glass in elaborate shapes. I kept looking through the casement, allowing my eyes to follow life underneath hotel. Constantly moving cars appeared more like blurred outlines of light than actual vehicles. People, not so many of them, were sating shadows on building around only to disappear in them second later. It was all boring to look at, but I didn’t have much choice. He was late, already two hours past the point we both agreed on. It wasn’t that surprising, considering he was at banquet, celebrating his victory after the competition, but still. Understanding didn’t mean that I was pleased, forced to wait for him all by myself. Not that I had anything else to do. So I sit down on armchair and allow my mind to wonder, setting my dreams on fire. When he’ll finally join me it’ll all be worth the wait.

When he eventually get to the hotel it was almost midnight. He stumbled into the room, obviously drunk. I watched him as he struggled with the door, trying to lock them with shaky hands. He finally succeed and then moved on to take off his shoes, almost falling down in the process. Still, he was a sight. Only one of the lamps situated on the side table of the bed was on, but even in the dimmed light it was difficult not to appreciate how beautiful he was. His dark hair was completely messed up, his face flustered and tie hanging loosely around his neck. To add to that his suit looked a bit too short and a bit too tight like it was a size or two too small to fit his lean, but muscular figure. _Maybe I should get him a new one_ , I thought tilting my head to the side to have a better view of the Japanese skater. Though I have to admit he looks cute like this, all messed up with this ill-fitted suit.

“You’re staring.” He said with his hands akimbo. He probably tried to look serious, but playful sparkles in his brown eyes and slightly thick voice gave it all away.

“You’re late.” I said in response, leaning on the backrest of the armchair while speaking.

“Come’ on, you can’t do that to me. Not today.” He said walking to me, his movements wobbly and lacking all the grace from the earlier gala. “You know how it is. They just don’t let you leave too early.” Adding that he leaned over me, supporting his hands on the top of the chair.

“You promised.”

“And now I’m here, right?” He whispered in suddenly hoarse voice. He moved closer to me, enough for our foreheads to touch. Then he brushed his lips on mine and something shifted in the air as he leaned further to kiss me. His mouth was rough on my skin, chopped from constant frost surrounding him. _God, how much I missed this,_ I thought deepening the kiss and allowing our tongues to tangle together. He moaned loudly from the sudden friction and moved even closer to me. This small movement made him stumble and somehow he ended up sitting in my lap. He wasn’t bothered by the abrupt change of position however, only quiet laugh leaving him as a response. Then he shifted his body again pushing me deeper into the chair and he kissed me again with a force I didn’t exactly expected from him in his current state. _Not that I mind that_ , I thought and put my hands on his chest only to move them slowly up to his arms, caressing his skin through his shirt in the process. Then I manoeuvred my hands under capes of his jacket and proceed to slide it from him, allowing all that fabric to land on the floor. I haven’t stopped kissing him even for a second, while I continued to undress him by unbuttoning his shirt. He moved slightly, parting us just to take off his tie as I managed to get him out of all of his upper garments. I looked at him, fully enjoying the astonishing view in front of me. God, he was perfect, even more messed up now than when he entered the room. I moved my hand to caress his chest with my fingers, pale skin turning slightly red under my touch. _He’s going to look so wonderfully wrecked when I’ll be done with him,_ I thought sudden wave of arousal rushing through my body.

“God, I’ve missed you so much.” He whispered with flashy eyes focused only on me. My only answer to that was slight smile, but that was enough for him to lean over me again and kiss me hard, while murmuring something I couldn’t really tell apart. We stayed like this for a while but then I decided there’s not enough space here for both of us on this armchair so I started pulling him back to standing position. He continued to kiss me while standing up, and to no one surprise he stumbled again, not being able to coordinate all of his movements in this drunken state. I tried to catch him, but somehow he slipped from my hands, falling on the floor to his knees. He looked amazing like this, kneeling shirtless in front of me. To be honest, that was actually perfect coincidence. One I was about to use for my own pleasure.

“Now dear…” I said in low voice. “Now, you have chance to properly apologise to me.” I added, unbuckling my pants. He swallowed loudly, evidently sober enough to know what I meant. Then he smiled shyly, and with a spark in his eyes reached to unzip my pants and moved them down along with my underwear and then tossed them away with a bit of help from my side. In the meantime I took off my shirt as well, so now I stood completely bare in front of him. He eyed me for a brief moment, thirst painted in his eyes and then looked straight at me, his brown orbs fixated on my blue ones. Still continuing looking at me he moved closer to and started kissing along my thigh, with his hands caressing my legs and from time to time moving up to caress my ass. It was good, but it wasn’t even close to enough and he knew this as well as I did, soon moving his head so his lips lightly brushed longwise my semi-hard dick. I made small noise from the sudden touch. I made another one and couple more later on as he started leaving kitty licks along the shaft just to swirl his tongue around the tip at some point. Then he kissed the tip, and still looking me right in the eyes pushed the tip inside his pretty, wet lips and started to move his head forward and backward again, fitting more and more of my cock inside with each movement. I gasped when he abruptly sucked around me and without thinking, I put my hands in his hair, softly pulling his black strands. He moaned from the friction as I expected, since a bit of pain always seemed to turn him on. Then he stilled himself with my dick still showed hallway inside his mouth. I knew what he wanted and I rolled my hips experimentally. And then I moved again, this time pushing my dick deeper inside him, and then again till I hit the back of his throat. He didn’t even gag, always so eager and ready for me. Instead he moaned, vibrations of this small noise sending me almost straight over the edge. But that wouldn’t do. I can’t let this all finish just now, can I? He seemed to have different idea about that however as he swallowed around me, making my hips jolt in response.

“Fuck, stop that now. That’s enough.” I said hastily, quickly pulling my dick out of his mouth. He blinked surprised, his sight a bit foggy and saliva mixed with precum leaking from his still slightly parted, swollen lips. God, he was so perfect like that, all wrecked because of me. And we weren’t even done for today. “Get up.” I said, trying to firm as much as possible, even if my voice was a bit thick from arousal. I cleared my throat and added: “take rest of your clothes off and get on the bed.” I helped him get up on his legs and he proceed to take of his pants, tossing them away along with his underwear and socks. I watched him as he moved to the bed. It was almost painful to look at him, such a beautiful creature he was. Lean, but slightly muscled body, pale skin that I knew was soft to touch, wonderful, strong skater thighs and full ass asking to be knead and bitten. He must’ve notice I eyed him and he looked at me looking back over his shoulder with a meaningful smirk painted all over his face. This kind of glare from him usually meant mischief and this time wasn’t any different as he decided to put on a show. As he walked on his tip toes toward the bed he started slightly moving his hips to the sides, only to crawl on top of the bed. Then he get on all fours, deliberately slowly circling his ass in the air. He peeked at me, checking if I’m watching. Of course I was. This was a sight I couldn’t skip after all. Though whole effect could possibly get a bit better if he wouldn’t be all shaking and wobbly, still not sober enough to support himself in position like this. Not that I didn’t appreciate it, on the contrary, I felt my dick aching even more than before. _It’s going to be difficult to control myself_ , I realized while I approached him and sat on the edge of mattress.

“You can stop now. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” I said quietly, running my hand along his spine. He shivered under my touch, and turned to lie on his side looking at me sulking.

“You didn’t like that?” Oh, so here he was now, pouting at me for actually worrying about him. I reached to his face, holding him in place by chin and kissed him while carefully manoeuvring us so he laid on his back with me kneeling right above him, with my eyes locked in his black, shiny ones.

“I loved that. I really did.” I said, grasping his lower lips with my teeth. He whimpered quietly from the stingy feeling. “In fact you were so good I’m going to reward you, lyubov moya. I’m going to take really good care of you now.” He looked like he wanted to said something, but I didn’t let him speak instead kissing him deeply, forcing his head into the blankets. Then I kissed him again and again but this time moving from lips to his jawline and leaving kitty licks along it. I moved to his neck and kissed it, sucking his skin from time to time – strong enough to leave a trace, soft enough to not to actually hurt him. Well, not to hurt him too much at least. His body became limp from my ministrations and his breath became deeper and quickened as I continued my travels across his chest. Plenty of moans and silent pleads escaped his lips when my fingers started messing with his nipples, tugging, caressing and pinching them while my tongue left wet trace from his chest to his lower abdomen. I stopped there for a second, ordering him to lift his hips just to put a pillow underneath him. Then, to his very vocal disapproval I left the bed to get the lube from the side table. I looked at the condoms laying there as well. I didn’t want to use them, but I should ask right? “My Dear, do you want to use condoms?”

“I want to feel you.” He responded looking at me with half open lids.

“That’s a no?”

“Yes. No condoms. Just come here and fuck me already.” He said irritated. I smiled to myself.

“You’re such a needy brat. What gave you an idea that I’m going to fuck you, hmm?” I asked returning back on the bed, again positioning myself right above him. His eyes went dark and I felt his body shift slightly underneath me.

“You’re not?” He asked, his voice picking up a pitch.

“Are you that desperate for my dick?” I asked, lowering my hips to brush my cock along his. He gasped from the sudden friction and then he gasped again as I returned to my previous position on all fours. “Are you?” I repeated and he swallowed loudly before responding.

“Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes, I’m desperate for you dick. Please, fuck me. I beg you, please do this.” He said quickly, his words barely coherent. I smiled instead giving him response, intentionally leaving him without definite answer. Then I leaned over him and kissed him again, and moved down, in between his legs. He was already leaking, precum painting his stomach wet. I purposefully left his dick untouched instead kissing along the side of his beautiful, strong thigh, kneading his other leg with my hands. I sucked roughly in couple of spots, marking him as mine there as well as on his neck. He was whimpering under my touch, noises he made steadily growing impatient with every passing second. Finally I gave up teasing and spread his legs wide to what he responded with relieved moan. Then I leaned down and started licking around his asshole and then putting my tongue inside, feeling how his tight muscles slowly open up due to my doing. He was already moaning when I decided to add my lube-covered fingers inside him to work him open and ready for me. More and more noises were escaping him as I started brushing his sweet spot from time to time. I brushed silver bangs covering my field of view and looked at Japanese boy, sprawled in front of me. His hips were slowly rolling, fucking himself on my fingers while his lips parted in silent monas and his hands clutched almost desperately to the blankets underneath him. God, he was so perfect like this, all flushed and covered in sweat, ready to whatever I have coming for him. He looked at me with his fogged with pleasure brown eyes, probably curious why I stopped moving. I twisted my fingers inside him, pushing particularly strong at his prostate and he screamed in mix of pleasure and surprise, precum leaking of his dick rapidly. Before he could get himself together I withdrew my fingers and poured generous amount of lube on my dick.

“Are you ready?” I asked, already guessing his answer.

“Yes, please, now.” He said almost unable to catch enough of air to speak up. I smiled at his response, and positioned myself so my cock was right in front of his entrance. And then I pushed inside him, his muscles tight around me. I watched him for any sights of discomfort and I stilled myself as his lips parted in silent scream from the intrusion. As I waited for his sign to move on, I started massaging his thighs and murmur sweet nothings to help him relax. Then when he finally gave me a nod to continue I proceed to slowly push in, and then, when I finally fitted my entire length inside his ass, I carefully started thrusting in and out, making sure to hit his prostate every time. Soon he was all noisy again, sweet moans and whimpers leaving his slightly swollen lips. He even started rolling his hips to match my pace and soon I noticed his hand moving down to jerk himself off. Not today, I thought catching it midway and moving it to the side.

“None of that today. Move your hands behind your head and don’t move them.” He looked at me as to protest but before he managed to speak up I rolled my hips particularly strong, distracting him enough to let me finish my sentence. “I want you to come just from your ass. You can do it for me, can’t you?” He looked at me with a desperation and fear painted across his face, but there was also hint of excitement in the back of it, and he followed my order while looking at me with those big, brown eyes. “Good boy.” I praised him, and lifted his right leg to put his thigh on my shoulder. He bend it to get better hold and I started thrusting again, fucking him deeper and harder than before, bottoming out in the result. His pleads started turning into blabbering, all noises he made only proving how close he was to coming. His hips started moving erratically and he looked so wonderfully messed up I decided to finally let him go over the edger. Couple of shallow thrusts brushing his prostate was all he needed, and he came with my name on his lips. His hole clenched around me, milking me desperately and I followed soon after him, painting his insides all white. After I rode my orgasm out he was lying underneath me, his body limp and his breath rapid, completely wrecked. I smiled to myself. That was exactly the effect I wanted to achieve.

I felt beside him and we laid next to each other for some time, our breaths and scents mixing with one another. After I regained some strength I stood up and moved to bring wet cloth to clean him up. When I returned from the bathroom he was sitting with his back leaning on the headboard. I looked at him, my heart clenching in my chest. It have been so long since I had him to myself like that. He turned his head to me and smiled lightly with his eyes half closed, fatigue showing on his face. I collected water bottle form the side table and sat next to him. He didn’t made any movement.

“Do you want some water?” I asked and he nodded. I took the cap off and pass him the bottle, but he didn’t even budge. I raised my eyebrow. “Should I help you with that.” He responded with another smile, not bothering to open his eyes fully. I sigh, and moved flask to his lips carefully trying to water him. That was a bit weird, but somehow that small gesture made me shiver. He was being so vulnerable in front of me it was difficult not to be moved. I was certain he’s not like that with anyone else. When he finished drinking I put the bottle away and proceed to wipe traces of his cum form his stomach. “You need to move so I can clean your bottom.” He made small noise, but shifted slightly and parted his legs so to allow me better access. I swallowed at the sight of my cum still leaking from his hole. I licked my finger and pushed it inside him to clean his insides.

“I’ll never get used to that.” He murmured, discomfort hearable in his voice.

“I know Dear. Though you look amazing like this.” His cheeks turned slightly red at my abrupt complement. He was impossible, acting all _eros_ just minutes ago just to be ashamed because of small comment I’ve made. I shook my head in silent disbelief and continued cleaning him with the towel after I get most of the jizz from his ass. “Do you maybe want to shower together?” I asked, not exactly happy with the results of my cleaning. Both mine and his body were still covered in sweat and that weren’t necessarily something I could help only with a wet cloth. He finally opened his eyes and looked at me, his brows furrowed slightly.

“No, not now. In the morning maybe.”

“We’re both dirty you know?” He shrugged.

“I don’t care. Just lets sleep for now, ok?” He more said then asked, already sliding to the lying position and curling onto his side. I sigh, quickly put the towel aside and turned light off before finally joining him on the bed. He moved closer to me and then rested his head on my chest, falling asleep only second after. He must’ve been tired after the competition and then the banquet and this mind blowing sex only adding to his exhaustion, so I wasn’t really surprised that he drifted away quickly. I followed after him soon enough as well, his steady breath lulling me to sleep.

It was around 4 am when I suddenly woken up. Sun didn’t even properly risen up yet, not much light coming into the room from the outside. It was still bright enough to see his face however, so calm and vulnerable in his sleep. I brushed some loose strands of dark strains aside from his face just to have full view. He was so young, so handsome and above all victorious – not so different form me in my glory days I suppose. After all this time, he was all that was left for me, so I had to sustain on him as long as he still has something to offer. Only in this way I can still feel how it is to be someone important, someone on the top of the word. I moved my hand on top of his head and started softly massaging his sculpt watching as distant smile appear on his unconscious face. He was obviously still deeply asleep, as I should be. I sigh heavily and again laid back to him, not taking my eyes from his beautiful face. It would be much easier if he wouldn’t be this nice, sincere person he was. It would be easier if I didn’t love him. Maybe then I wouldn’t end up hurting him like, I was certain, I will one day. I looked at him one last time before closing my eyes. Even with my lids closed I was still seeing his face. Somehow I knew, that this view is going to haunt me till my dying day. Maybe even longer than this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] Twizzles are spins that travel across ice instead of being cantered in one spot. They are required element in ice dance, but single skaters perform them as well. Here’s a short video about them with some examples: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_XWfAesBijE>.
> 
> [2] Cantilever is my favourite figure skating element. Basically skater travels along with bent knees and back bent backward, parallel to the ice. You can see Shoma Uno (Japanese skater whose signature move is cantilever) performing them during 2019/2020 season here: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsdjc999GuI>.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Just to be clear – this chapter contains brief mention of homophobia.  
> Also you can find reference in the end note ;)

**Part I**

**Between two points**

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. It's like everything is suffocating when he's not around, and he's never around. Even now, when I know I'll see him in two weeks it feels not soon enough. Chris would say I'm overly dramatic, but it doesn't make any difference. I believe being dramatic is main reason I ended up banished and left alone to be forgotten. But that's the exact reason why I need Yuuri by my side so much. He's the only and the last connection that I have to the life of the reigner. He's my prodigy, flashing, vivid light that sparkle the same way I did, and God knows he is what he is only because of me. They may taught him a thing or two in States, but who his trainer on paper is doesn't matter. Both of us know that without me he wouldn't be special enough to achieve greatness that he already had a chance to taste. I don't know which one of us should run away from the other. We're both doomed one way or another.

***

Mornings in late spring are usually rather warm and sunny, but this one was gray and gloomy. I shove my hands into pockets of my jacket and continue walking alongside riverbank. I was tired after last night, so I thought that morning walk would help clean my mind. Not that it worked so far, but it's still better that staying in an empty apartment. I looked up in the sky trying to see the sun but it was hidden behind clouds, apparently not in the mood to give me at least a glimpse of its rays. I sigh and continue walking till I pass by a bench. I decide to rest there a bit. Really at this point I felt like a character in a cheesy drama. First being this addicted and messy dark Viktor, now this hopeless romantic who’s watching river and trying to get his composure back. Again, Chris was right. I am drama queen. But what I was thinking about during last night was truth. In a way at least. I could still see myself surrounded by cheering crowd and flashing lights, I still can feel weight of bronze, silver and above all gold medals hanging on my neck. Two seasons, well almost two seasons passed since that incident happened. It was during Rostelecom when that shitty bastard, godchild of one of the judges got better scores than me. Let's be honest – he was quite good, but not as good as me. So of course I got angry and may said something to him, maybe even pushed him but nothing too serious. At least I thought so, because ISU[1] treated me harshly, and made me retire in result. Officially I was injured and I was already old enough to retire so I “decided” to take care of myself and leave competitive skating behind. But it was fake and everyone knew about it, so it made a huge scandal and in the end I'm unofficially banned from figure skating. I was trying to do some shows but no one wanted to hire me. The same goes for becoming a coach. So I started choreographing which is apparently enough out of the spotlight for Union taste, since I have some customers. None of them is as well taken care of as my Yuuri of course, but they don't need to know about that. 

I never really talked with Yuuri about all of this, to be honest. He probably heard about that drama, but never said anything so I guess he knows that I'm not the one to blame. What's important is what lays between us, and it should stay this way. Only me, him and figure skating, that's what matters and issues of the past won't make any difference.

It should be early midday in Japan right now so I though I'll give a try and call spoken Japanese boy. Really, I can't take him out of my mind lately even more than before. I unlocked my phone and pressed his number. Silence followed by tickling noise of waiting for picking up a call. I took deep breath and lean forward anticipating. Yuuri tends to leave his phone unattended but maybe this...

“Viktor?” He sounded a bit tired, like he was out of his breath. But nonetheless that was Yuuri’s voice, there was no doubt about that.

“My Yurochka! I was just thinking about You and thought that I'll call you and ask how are things going?”

“Well, right now I'm on the rink, I thought I texted you on Wednesday, no? I'm training before first exhibition tomorrow.”

“Ah, right right, You told me. Look I just wanted…”

“Wait a second.” I almost froze in place when I heard that. He started talking in Japanese, and of course I didn't understand a single word. Then a moment of silence and I could tell that he's annoyed by something. But instead of asking I wait, hoping he'll tell me without question. He didn't. “Sorry, but I should be going. Is there anything specific I can do for you Viktor?”

“Just wanted to hear your voice, that's it. You know, I can't wait to see you again, and It have been so long since last time.” My voice cracked a bit at the end. Only a bit though. I hope he didn't catch that up.

“Hey, I'll be there in two weeks right? We'll have all the time in the world then. Or some at least. So don't worry, and just focus on that choreography for me so we won't have to worry about that when I'll finally get to St. Petersburg, OK?” I was going to answer him, but he said something in Japanese again and spoke to me again. “I need to go. Wait for me Vitya, I'll be thinking about you. See you soon!” And then he hung up the phone. I stared at black screen for a while. Well, at least I heard him. Not that it makes anything better. I sigh and stand up. Maybe Chris was right about one more thing. I should stop relying only on Yuuri.

***

First I was thinking about going to the rink and polish choreography for my Yurochka, but truth be told I already finished it and then redo it to the perfection, so there was no point in that. So here I am now, on my way to city infamous party district. I’m going to gay club to be precise, since there is no point in denying what I'm really interested in, even if I only want to look today. I'm not stupid enough to walk around Russia all rainbow and stuff but this place was safe as far as I know and maybe a bit of fun will help me regain some composure. Bouncer looked at me without any interest and let me in. Whole place was of course dark and only highlighted with couple of spotlights and crazy lightning above dance floor. Stench of mixed sweat, way too strong perfumes, beer, vodka and cigarettes surrounded and accompanied me all the way to the bar, never to leave. I ordered a shot from a bored looking barman, and then order couple of extra ones, one following another. I shifted on a bar stool and started watching everyone around. Club was rather packed, but apparently there still was some space left for newcomers, or at least bouncer thought so he keep letting people in. No one really caught my eyes though, so I decided to take another shot. I wasn't really planning to get drunk, but honestly, who am I lying to? And I ordered another one. After a while of playing with empty glass I stood up and join others on dance floor. I didn't know that song, but my body followed music anyway and soon I was dancing with some stranger who was clearly trying to make a move on me. I didn't pay him much attention and moved to another partner and then someone else. Fast beats of the way to loud music, smell of other bodies and blinding, flashing lights made me feel all that vodka I've drunk tonight. It was pleasing feeling though, like all my muscles went loose, and my mind went blunt and entire world was just blurred faces and yellow purple pink blue lights shifting in erratic tempo. Then I spotted someone, someone looking familiar and my heart skipped a bit. He was lean, almost small in posture, with a dark messy hair. I knew It wasn't Yuuri, it couldn't be my boy but I moved in his direction anyway. He was dancing beautifully, not only moving his body with the music, but almost creating it, making you feel every beat with his movements. I approached him from the back and started dancing, lightly brushing our bodies. He felt me and turned to me black eyes looking straight into my soul. It wasn’t Yuuri, of course not, but to me he was him and that is all that matter. He leaned his hand over my shoulder and tilt his head to the back while our bodies gets closer and starts to move as one. I put my arm around his waist and get him even closer and we kept moving in this position for a while. Then he suddenly turned and lean his back on my chest. His hips starts to move, first slightly then quicker and mine quickly follows as he tilled his head back again and kissed my jawline. I leaned over to him and kissed him back, on the lips this time. His mouth was wet and hot with a hint of vodka still on his tongue. We keep kissing and dancing for a while or maybe for an hour or three, I couldn’t tell but at some point he whispered something I didn't really understood and then he took my hand and start moving through the crowd. I had an idea where it may be going but it made me follow him even more eagerly. We ended up in a toilet stall, white surrounding hitting my eyes. It wasn't even as dirty as I would expect it to be, but I didn't have a lot of time to look around, since the moment I was dragged inside the stall he started kissing me almost angrily. We weren't alone in the room, but this small box was enough privacy for me, so I didn’t really care. He took off my jacket and continued kissing along my neck while his hands travels down my body. I followed after him, touching and caressing him through fabric of his close. I moaned while he bit my collarbone and squeeze his ass in return which made him giggle a bit. That noise was a bit off to me. I didn’t sound like Yuuri's. I couldn't focus on that more though, since I felt a hand on my crotch. I leaned more to that oh sweet and oh so needed touch. I almost felt like horny teenager, but my pants were already so tight, all because of earlier dancing and touching. Of course he must felt my excitement since he already moved his hand to unzip my pants and then took tight grip of my cock. He got down on his knees and quickly put his mouth around my member and starts sucking. I should be mesmerized by the sight and feeling but all I could focus on was his face. Dark hairs appeared to be just regular brown, black eyes were only deep brown. I put my hand in his hair and forced his head back to have better look at him. What alcohol and darkness made, disappeared right in front of my eyes leaving just some random man, definitely not my only and beloved Yurochka. I cursed aloud, hastily dressed myself and leave place as soon as possible, damn be my jacket. That man was calling me, several people looked at me in confusion but I left in a hurry without turning my head back even once.

***

I was lying in my bed naked and still covered in stench of nightclub. In my left hand I was holding a phone with still playing video of Yuuri's last season free skate. In my right hand I was holding my now limp penis covered with cum. I was still waiting for my Yuuri to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] International Skating Union


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find references in the end note as usually :)

**Part II**

**Call out my name**

“Hey Viktor.” After a while of just standing and admiring the view I decided to speak. He was doing something in the kitchen, apparently oblivious to me being in the same room. Soft music accompanied all the noises he created while chopping and mixing and who know what else, so It was quite acceptable that he didn't notice me joining him. When I spoke up he almost jumped and quickly turned my way. Beautiful smile appeared on his face, joy lighting sparkles in his eyes. He dropped knife and come to me, hugging me tightly at the end of the way.

“Yurochka.” He looked me in the eyes and the put a kiss on my forehead. “Did you sleep well?” He asks looking at me with fondness. God, I forgot how warm he can be, and how tender his touch feels on my skin.

“Too well I think, looking at the hour.” It was almost 2 pm. And truth be told I was still a bit tired. “I'm sorry. I think I'm still feeling jet lag.” I smiled apologetic at him.

“No worries.” He smiled again and turned back to cooking. “I was thinking about waking you up, but you looked so cute that I couldn't force myself to do that. And then I decided to make golubtsy[1] for dinner so I found something to occupy myself with.”

“Golubtsy? What's that?” I come after him and took a peek into one of the pot. Whatever that is it smells quite good. Though to be honest it also look a bit disturbing. Not necessarily edible.

“It's minced beef mixed with rice and then wrapped in cabbage leaves. I'm also making some tomato sauce and boiled potatoes. It's a bit weird dish but I thought you may like it, and I stole recipe form Yurio’s granddad so It should be good.”

“Well, I hope so?” He looked angrily at me, but I made silly face and we both laughed. “Honestly Viktor, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse.” He smiled again, and then took some tomatoes from fridge. I allowed myself to admire the view. He was wearing sweats and a red apron on top of it. He rolled his sleeves which beautify accented the curve of his forearm. Strains of silver hair kept falling into his eyes and he kept moving it away with his long, slender fingers. I knew what those fingers could do apart from that and the sole thought of it made me a bit thirsty for something. I must’ve swallowed a bit louder than I thought because he turned his attention back to me and with a knowing smile said:

“Go get a shower then. I think I need another 20 minutes or so to finish, so you should have enough time.”

“Do you suggest I stink?” I fold my arms and looked at him expectantly. I didn’t really thought what was I saying, just trying to tease him a bit. Viktor rolled his eyes in response, visibly not impressed with me.

“Yuuri, really?”

“Maybe I was hoping you'll join me.” I said tilting my head to the side. I was hopefully looking at least a bit tempting, though I actually needed that shower a lot. Really, after God knows how many hours of flight and sleep how well can one look? But maybe there’s still some appeal to it. Or maybe not.

“Food will burn.” So there’s no appeal then. Shame.

“Me too.” He snorted and looked at me seriously.

“Just go away you moron.”

“You're the one that will regret it!” I said while leaving room. He laughed in return, and I smiled. I didn't really expected to take shower with him, but it feel good to start a day with a bit of teasing. God, really, It felt so good to be back here, to be back with Viktor, I thought entering the bathroom. We don’t really get to see each other very often. I don’t have much time between competitions, trainings, shows and occasional visits to my family. Really, I’m sort of lucky that he’s not throwing a tantrum over all of this. I discarded my clothes and stood in front of the mirror. I don’t know what exactly Vitya sees in me, I thought looking at my reflection. He’s perfect. Literally. I’m huge fan of him since I was teenager. I used to have his poster all around my room. To be honest I left couple of them hanging on the walls in my former bedroom back in Hasetsu. God, I used to have dirty dreams about him. I still have, but it’s not that awkward since we’re together now. Seeing him in person for the first time is probably one of my best memoires. I still remember him wearing this beautiful blue costume, long silver hair set loose after a performance. And of course those striking blue eyes that pierced right through me when I approached him to ask for a commemorative photo. Viktor is still like that, I thought turning my back to the mirror. He’s still that amazing, wonderful person with the passion like no one else. It’s such a shame he cannot skate anymore, not for public at least. Though I must say that it feels somewhat good to know, that I’m one of the few chosen that get to see him skate nowadays. Maybe even the only one he skates for. The only one supposed to watch him, the only one to admire it and see through that unbreakable façade made of ice. I turned the water on. It was lukewarm at the beginning but slowly became warmer, turning almost to burning hot at some point. Vitya is mine, and I’m his, that’s the one thing I’m sure about.

***

Viktor didn’t even raised his eyebrow when he saw me leaving bathroom and honestly, I felt almost insulted. I deliberately put on only boxers and his shirt so I believe some sort of reaction would be appropriate. Instead he moved to kitchen and after a while came back with two plates full of something not really good looking. I mean it was covered in red sauce so it was rather hard to tell what exactly I’m being served. He put dishes on the table and looked at me happily.

“Shall we eat?” He asked, moving chair for me. I looked at him but didn’t say anything and took a seat. He joined me right after and in very bad Japanese exclaimed “Itadakimasu!” Then he enthusiastically started eating. I wished him good meal but instead of eating I continued watching as this world famous, classy and handsome man consumes his food with almost ridiculous lack of grace while looking like cutest and happiest child on earth. I thought that he couldn’t do more to make me laugh when he decided to practically scream aloud “Vkusno!” and all I could do was burst into laughter. He looked at me in confusion.

“What’s so funny?” When I continue to giggle he just sighed and continue eating. It took me a while to calm myself but I finally decided to give this thing a try. And it wasn’t that bad at all. After a while of eating I noticed that Viktor is silently watching me.

“What?” I asked with my mouth still full. He just shakes his head and got back to eating with distant smile on his face.

After we finished with dinner I helped with dishes and then we decided to watch TV. After a while of looking for something interesting I reminded myself about show that Phichit once mentioned. It was about figure skater who was trying to get back on ice after injury and related to this trauma. _Spinning Out_[2] or something like that if I recall right. So we plopped down on a sofa and started watching. Show was kind of boring. I mean, it was funny sometimes like when they obsess about triple toe or when main character was supposedly jumping quad axel but apart from that it was rather disappointing. Viktor was openly yawning from time to time.

“This Gabriel[3] guy kind of reminds me of you.” I said looking up at Vitenka. In the meantime we lied next to each other so now I had perfect view of his chin.

“I’m not sure if I should be offended or not.”

“Well, they have to made him after someone, right? And he’s this bright drama queen. You can’t tell there’s no resemblance.”

“I would rule that makeup, that’s for sure.” He smiled a bit and kissed top of my head.

“Oh god.” I laughed and he looked at me confused.

“What?”

“I just imagined Georgi like that.” Viktor snorted and smiled wickedly.

“Do you remember him at Europeans last year? His costume was hideous as always, but he had fucking carnival mask painted on his face. I’m still surprised that judges didn’t deduce some points from him just for esthetic reasons.”

“Vitya!”

“What, you know how he is. For the love of God, he was riding on a damn broom[4] on a gala exhibition couple years ago. It was hilarious, really, but who does things like that.”

“Do you want me to remind you when you decided to skate to _Sex bomb_[5], Viktor?”

“Oh God, no.” He said dramatically covering his face with hand. I turned myself to see his face properly. “I still don’t know what got over me.” He whispered through his fingers.

“Well, I liked it. A lot.” Viktor looked at me in disbelieve. “I mean, it was really funny and bold. Not many people get naked in front of whole audience. And cameras.”

“I wasn’t naked!”

“Almost Vitya.”

“That was just a costume, geez. And I was much younger then.”

“I noticed that.” He looked at me terrified.

“Yuuri, you…” I silenced him with quick kiss.

“Just joking Viktor. You’re awesome, really.” He didn’t really looked convinced. “Come on, you know that I’m your biggest fan. And even is some things didn’t exactly age well, like this _sex bomb_ costume, I get to see you on ice often enough now to know that you’re still a wonderful artist. Every time I see you skating I feel enthralled by the way you move and damn, you’re usually just warming up or showing me how to do certain things. Imagining how would it be to see you performing full program it’s almost overwhelming.” Now I made him sad, apparently. Well maybe accidentally I just pushed the wrong buttons. Reminding him that his career was over usually wasn’t the best idea.

“I miss the ice, Yuuri. I really do. But now I have you, and I want you to carry my legacy.” He said to my surprise. He still sounded a bit melancholic however.

“I don’t know if I’ll live up to expectations to be honest.”

“You already did.” He smiled looking at me. “Remember Words, just couple months ago? Simply amazing. Just keep going like this and I’ll be delighted. Especially if you’ll keep choosing me as your choreographer.” I hid my head between his torso and the cushions. He chuckled lightly and tangled his fingers in my hair. I could feel how this simple gesture was slowly turning me into sloppy mess.

“The show. Let’s just keep watching.” I said, moving myself so I was facing the screen again. I noticed he smiled a bit, probably fully aware what he just have done. Bastard, toying with me like this, I thought, not really angry. It was almost scary that I was so easy to all the things he does to me.

We kept watching and as the time flows I found myself falling asleep. I almost drifted out when a sudden touch of cold hand across my bare stomach shook me out of sleepiness. Viktor fingers started to move around, lightly caressing my skin under my shirt. I waited to see where is it going, so I remained still. He slightly rolled my shirt further, drawing circles on my skin. One of hands was a bit braver than the other and suddenly his fingers were teasing my nipples, touching and carefully pinching soft skin around them. I swallowed loudly, feeling something growing inside me because of his ministrations. The Viktor mowed his head to the crock of my neck and kissed there, first gently, then harder leaving wet marks on my skin. I adjusted my body in response, and titled my head to the back to reach his mouth. He noticed and eagerly leaned over to kiss me, while his hands continued they journey on my torso. I felt his fingers reaching to my back and to my sides. It tickled a bit and I giggled in his mouth. He responded deepening the kiss and this time I moaned, starting to feel more and more desperate to have him all around me. I decided it’s the time to spice things up and pushed him on his back and crawled on top of him. He was beautiful like this, sprawled on the sofa right under me, breath a bit erratic and those light blue eyes focused entirely on me. I reached with my hand to caress his face and he leaned in to the touch purring as I moved my finger from his cheek to his jaw and along it. I smiled and leaned to kiss him, while I moved my hands under his shirt, slowly rolling it up. I moved back and looked at him one more time before I proceed to take his top off. He moved to allow it to pass through his head but I didn’t allowed his shirt to be taken off completely. Instead I made sure the sleeves were still on his wrist and I twisted the top around, crossing his hands in meantime. In effect I had him sort of bounded, not capable of moving freely. He looked at me confused and I gave him one of those cute but wicked smiles. He opened his mouth most likely to complain, but I silenced him with a sloppy kiss.

“Be a good boy for me Vitya, and don’t move an inch. I’ll reward you if you do as I say.” I heard him swallowing but he nodded nonetheless, excitement painted on his face. I moved a bit to the back to give myself better access to his chest and started kissing his collarbones, making sure to suck a bit harder from time to time to leave some sweet marks on his skin. He moaned after each time and I could tell his heart was beating faster than before. I travelled down his torso licking, kissing and sucking his skin on my way to his lower abdomen. I noticed that he wanted to lift himself to see what I’m doing, but he hesitated and forced himself to remain in the same position. I smiled to myself and rewarded him placing a kiss right above his pants line. I felt his hips shifted a bit in response, apparently already guessing where exactly am I heading. I moved his sweats down a bit with my hand and I grunted with appreciation. If there was one thing that I’m certain Viktor will do, that’s not to wear underwear while he’s at home. Sometimes outside either but realizing when it’s sheer luck. Though now, I’m happy with the current outcome. I leant over to kiss his lover abdomen and then moved his pants out of the way with my teeth which leaved him with eyes wide open. I spread his legs slightly and lightly brushed my lips along his inner thighs. He trembled and small noise escaped him to my pleasure. I repeated this motion and then licked him in the same places deliberately ignoring his now very interested looking dick. Supporting myself on my left hand I moved the right one on his beautifully sculpted thigh and slowly started massaging his muscles, kneading and rubbing his skin while still continuing to lick and kiss him. He was shaking, his cock already leaking.

“Yuuri.” He whispered, his voice weak from lust. “Please, Yuuri”. He begged and I smiled to myself. That was exactly what I wanted. I shifted myself and licked just the tip of his cock, which earned me loud gasp from him. Instead of continuing I waited, looking how distressed because of lack of contact he would grow. When he was on verge of begging again I blow on him and Vitya cried, his whole body clenching and trembling because of this sudden action. God, how much I loved him like that, so responsive and all on my mercy. Before he could regain his composure I finally took a tip on his dick inside my mouth, slowly moving him deeper inside me stopping when I felt him reaching almost to my throat. Then in a quick, smooth motion I took him whole, swallowing around and Viktor gasped, his back arching involuntary in the reaction. I repeated this motion couple of times moaning around him, and his body kept shaking for all of that extra stimulation. However I was steadily growing impatient and I decided now it’s the right moment to take care of myself. I kissed his dick one more time and lifted myself up. I quickly tossed away all my clothes and Vitya watched me with excitement. I smiled at him satisfied with the results of my previous ministrations – sweat was already covering his forehead, his face was flushed and breath heavy with need. Fuck, I wanted him right here and right now, damn be caution. I reached to him with my hand and positioned it right in front of his mouth.

“Suck”. I said in hoarse voice. He looked at me confused.

“Yura, there’s lube in the bedroom, I can get it for us if you let me”. I shook my head.

“I want you to fuck me raw, Vitya.” I said, and something dark appeared in his eyes. He swallowed hardly and opened his mouth for my fingers. And then he sucked them slowly, actually too slowly for my taste. I added third digit and forced them all deeper inside his mouth, making him gag a bit before withdrawing and starting slowly fucking his mouth with my fingers. He moaned in response and finally sucked harder and more eagerly, like he really meant it. I kept looking at him, arousal growing in my chest. I decided that’s enough after a while, and started quickly stretching my ass with my now saliva covered fingers. It stings a bit and I hissed in pain.

“Be careful lyubov moya, please. Relax.” Viktor said with hint of distress in his voice. I stilled myself for a moment, letting my body to adjust to the sudden intrusion and started moving my fingers back and forth for a while. He was still watching me and I kept looking in his marvelous blue eyes, feeling desperation rising inside me. I added last finger and continued scissoring myself, quickly growing impatient. At some point I realized I don’t give a damn any longer and took my hand away from my asshole. I leaned over Viktor again, first kissing him as a form of thanking for his patience and then moving to his cock. I took it inside my mouth again, but this time more to get sure it’s moist enough to be at least bearable for me, than to pleasure him. When I decided it’s wet enough I lifted and positioned myself right above his dick, guiding the tip to my hole. For a moment I wanted to free Viktor from his shirt-chain to have more support, but I decided against it, in order to have all the power to myself. And finally I lowered myself on him, feeling burning pain of my muscles being stretched around him. It wasn’t going as smoothly as I would like it to, but it wasn’t that bad. This sting I felt with every inch moving inside me was almost deliriously good. In few minutes I had his whole cock almost hitting my core. It still hurt a bit but I started moving nonetheless, hoping that pain will go away with the friction and it kind of worked, at least after a while. It also helped that Viktor started rolling his hips and with a bit of adjustments from my side we both made sure that my prostate is being hit with every thrust. It felt almost agonizingly good and I didn’t even care about all that shameless noises I was making. Neither did Viktor apparently, since he got really loud at some point. His face was even more flushed than before, his eyes blurred from pleasure. God he’s simply breathtaking. I swallowed and suddenly an idea appeared in my mind. I supported my hands on his chest so my face was almost right above his and with rough voice I started talking.

“You know, I was waiting for that since that night after the gala. You felt so good back then I kept dreaming about that for all this time. I don’t even know how many night I spent thinking about you with my fingers stuffed in my ass. I wished it could be your cock, or your tongue or at least your fingers. It would feel so much better, as it does now. I wish I could be as successful as you were, then You would know how it is to be fucked by the best skater in the world. One day tough, I promise you. But now, ugh, I’m so close. I’m not gonna touch my cock Viktor, just like you forbid me to do last time. I want to come just from your dick. Just like that my love, just like that Vitya.” I looked at him, all covered in sweat, face red, lips parted and eyes fixated on me, almost like I hypnotized him. He was close as well, I could tell only by looking at him.

“Yuuri.” Viktor’s voice was dark and low. “Harder.” It was all I needed to give him my best, moving faster and stronger. Our movements quickly become more erratic bringing us over the edge in rapid pace. And then I felt it coming and soon enough orgasm passed through my body and painted Viktor’s stomach underneath me with stripes of white liquid. My ass stared clenching desperately around his dick and just right after me Vitya came as well, filling me up with his seed. I felt all my strength leaving me in a rushed wave, and I fell on him, not giving a damn about our bodies sticking to each other. His chest was moving rapidly and I could hear how fast his heart was beating. It was oddly comforting to be with him like this. At some point he managed to free his hands and I felt his fingers as he drew patters on my back. My mind was foggy and my body heavy under his touch. It didn’t take me long to fall asleep, with his dick still burrowed inside me. Somehow I knew Viktor was still looking at me even long after we both drifted away. Maybe he never stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] Golubtsy is traditional Slavic dish made of ground meat mixed with rice wrapped up in cabbage, often served with tomato sauce. They look something like this: <https://wielkiezarcie.com/file/40161716.jpeg>.
> 
> [2] _Spinning out_ is Netflix series about ice skaters. It’s really bad.
> 
> [3] And Gabriel is one of the side characters in _Spinning Out_. He’s pictured by Johnny Weir, American ice-skater known for his eccentricity. Anime Victor is partially based on him.
> 
> [4] Russian skater Mikhail Kolyada actually skated once with a broom. It was gala after Coup of China in 2017 and you can watch it here: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkUHNplj7OU>.
> 
> [5] Another Russian skater, legendary Evgeni Plushenko repeatedly performed to _Sex bomb_ during various exhibits. Anime Victor is partially based on this skater so I thought it’ll be nice to have him skate to something from Plushenko’s repertoire. Here you can watch the real life performance: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogpwrc6oCKM>


	4. Chapter 4

**Part III**

**Fragile as glass**

When first quiet chords of music started I slowly lifted right hand above my head. When male voice started to sing I moved while shifting my hands and slowly rotating my way through ice. I took a deep breath and quickened my movement, and when the music reached its peak I jumped, quad flip at its finest. I still got it, even after all this time. I allowed myself to relax a bit by lowering my speed and started sliding on edges, creating tangled pattern on ice. Then I jumped, to a spin this time, feeling how the word is turning around me. I know he was watching, small figure in black standing right outside the rink. I stopped after the spin and started skating again, reaching in the air with my hands then bringing them closer together to hug myself, mimicking lover touch on my body. I leaned slightly to the side, then curved my back looking up to the ceiling in spread eagle[1] position for a brief second then I prepared to jump entering the take-off stage on the forward outside edge. I followed the triple axel with triple toe and with swift transition started choreo sequence. I continued turning myself to the sides then suddenly changed direction and continued to do so while I also kept reaching with my hands, trying to show my love with those movements. I continued on with the program, adding another jumps and then finishing with a spin combination after which I just stood in the middle of the ice, eyes closed, arms lightly lifted, my body curved and head tilted backward. Music stopped, but I couldn’t force myself to move. I remained in the middle of the ice, still trying to catch my breath. I missed this feeling, this beautiful exhaustion after a greatly executed performance and the sound of cheering crowd throwing gifts all around me. I swallowed hardly and opened my eyes slowly relaxing my body and turning my face to Yuuri, still watching me from the side of the rink. He’s all I have now.

I forced myself to smile and skated to the railing. God, I hope he likes it. This program is quite different from his usual performances. I moved bangs from my eyes and asked him, probably sounding a bit more hopeful than I planned:

“So, what do you think?” He was silent for a moment and I felt fear rushing through my body.

“I think is wonderful Viktor, really. You are wonderful. Breath-taking even.” He smiled back at me. God, for some reason his praises made me feel a bit weird. No one praised me for such a long time, at least not my skating. “It’s just that… It seems difficult. Not only technically, but the mood is different than what I usually do. I’m not certain how to approach this.” I nodded.

“Well, that’s what I’m here for, after all. But only if you feel like skating this. I don’t want to force you to do something that doesn’t appeal to you, Yuuri.” He looked at me with a sheepish smile.

“As I said I’m just not certain if I can pull that off. This kind of music have that almost regal feel to it, and you only extenuated it with your choreography. Am I even mature enough?”

“You are, Yurochka.” He didn’t look convinced. “Look, I know it’s different but that’s the point. I want you to surprise everyone. We already done some classical pieces, I know opera is a bit more demanding but still, it shouldn’t be that difficult. And about the mood, I can give you story that goes along with the music. Of course you can figure out something for yourself, I just have certain idea that works for me.”

“What is it then?” I leaned on railing right next to him and took a deep breath before starting.

“You see, title of this song is _Stammi vicino, non te ne andare_ which means simply _Stay close to me_. When I skate this I’m thinking about two unlikely lovers being together against all odds.” I stopped here for a moment, feeling unusually vulnerable. It was difficult to talk about, because this program was very personal for me. I never did anything like it before, and it felt almost painful to lay bare like this right before Yuuri. I tilted my head back and looked up, feeling sunlight warm lightly caressing my skin. Still, he deserves this kind of honesty, I thought and continued talking. “I think that their feelings for each other are difficult but still developing and growing, even if ocean tears them apart. I would say that this song and this routine is about calling out, or even begging someone you care about the most, to never forget you, to always think of you, no matter the distance. To be alone with you, even if it’s only in our dreams.” So, here I’m all on his mercy. I felt him eyeing me, but I didn’t move. I was too afraid of him. What if he won’t understand? What if I just made fool of myself? We didn’t talk about our emotions this openly. Well, if one can count my monologue as _openly_. But we never confessed to each other, not even once since we started dating seriously. All of that between us is just too complicated and difficult to name and say out loud, I suppose.

“Vitya.” He said quietly and somehow his voice sounded soothing to me. I swallowed and finally looked at him. He was almost crying, but he also looked happy and I couldn’t really tell why. He reached to me with his hand and I leaned closer, allowing him to touch my face. He cupped my cheek and I saw tears slowly running down on his face.

“Yuuri, why are you crying?” I asked, still confused about this whole situation.

“Because that was beautiful Viktor. I’m speechless. It’s just, I…”

“Yes?” I asked, wiping tears from his face with my fingers.

“I’d be honoured to skate this. I can’t say no to that. And I just want to thank you.”

“I’m your choreographer Yurochka, that’s kind of my job, there’s no need to thank me. Really.” He shook his head in response and moved his hand from my face to my shoulder and lightly squeezed it.

“We both know it’s not only for that.”

“Oh.” That was only response I was able to produce. My heart was beating like crazy and it somehow breathing was becoming more and more difficult with every minute. Yuuri must’ve notice my weird state because he leaned over the railing while slightly pulling me to himself and then we kissed, deeply and somewhat desperate. When we stopped we remained close to each other, our foreheads still connected, and I just simply couldn’t take my eyes of him. He is all that remains for me.

***

I was sitting on the bed, my hair still a bit damp after the shower I took after right after we returned from the rink, when Yuuri finally walked out of the bathroom. It took him unusually long this time, but what can I say when he looks like that, I thought watching him walking towards me. He was wearing only boxers and my old t-shirt and his skin was still a bit flushed after the shower. I felt wave of possessiveness rushing through me. Sole thought of someone else seeing him like this made me almost mad with envy. After a while of walking around he sat on the edge of the bed while avoiding looking directly at me. I was about to comment on that, but he was the first one to spoke.

“Vitya? I was thinking, you know. About what you said regarding _Stammi vicino_.”

“And?” I asked cautiously. He opened his mouth but didn’t make any sound, and to be honest, he started looking somewhat distressed. I sigh and patted the spot right next to me. “Here Yuuri, come join me and we can talk more comfortably this way.” After a second of hesitating he moved next to me. I put my hand behind his back and lightly pulled him closer. He leaned in and nuzzled his head in the nape of my neck. His breath was tickling me a bit and I chuckled which made him smile. I hugged him tightly and decided to give him time to relax. My mind was panicking however, imagining him rejecting my program or maybe telling me how stupid I am by feeling so much towards him. But I didn’t let anything of that to show off and I just remained closely tangled with him, hoping he’ll eventually regain his courage to talk. And he did, even if it took him longer while.

“I think I just wanted to thank you again for what you said earlier. I thought a lot about that, you know? We don’t really talk about feelings and seeing you skate them and then talk about it was just beautiful. I don’t think I ever felt this blessed.” He said moving to the side a bit to look at directly at me.

“I’m glad you’re saying that. I was a bit afraid that would be a bit too much to do something this intimate. I mean I intended this program to be different than previous ones, like I already told you. You know, to show off your talent and highlight your skills as a mature skater. I really think you’ll be magnificent.” I said drawing circles on his back with my fingers. I felt a bit better after he finally told me what he had on his mind since we returned from the rink. To be honest being this close with him was slowly making me feel a bit hmm… aroused let’s say. I was always easy on praises after all and he just told me that my skating made him blessed, right?

“I’m not talking about the program only, you know? I’m trying to talk _feeling_ s here.” I rolled my eyes in response, and before he could react pushed him so he was lying on the matterace with me right above him.

“I’d prefer to _do_ feelings, if you don’t mind.” I responded with the smirk and tried to kiss him, but he put his hand on my mouth and started pushing me back to sitting position.

“I do mind actually. Stop here!” I looked at him surprised but complied. When we were back sitting next to each other he sigh and started talking again. “Look Vitya, what I’m actually trying to accomplish here is actually telling you that I love you.” I froze in place. What? None of us never said that. I wanted to react somehow but I couldn’t. He put his hands on my arms and looked me deeply in the eyes, striking brown pupils almost knocking me down. “I mean it, I really do. You know, I was fan of yours since forever, but what I feel now it’s different. Like I care about you not only because you are great skater, but also because you are this weird, striking persona. I could spend all my time with you and still be amazed how wonderful you are. Even if you put those envy shows from time to time. I love you, Viktor Nikiforov.” I kept looking at him, still motionless and confused. I couldn’t believe his words. It’s just impossible to comprehend how someone like me can be loved by someone like him. “Vitenka please say something or else I’m gonna drop dead right here right now.” I finally shook myself from this odd state and smiled. God, I started laughing and leaned to hug his face with my hands.

“Yuuri, my Yuuri of course I love you too, how can I not. I just didn’t except you’ll say all that and I need a second to process how amazing it is to be me.” He sigh with relief and the suddenly reached to hug me tightly. We stayed like this for a moment embracing each other. Only think that can compare to this was probably wining gold at the Olympic. I breathed his scent and smiled to myself. God, he was mine. Whole mine, finally, after all this time. Even if thinking about him actually loving me was still a new think and I needed some more time to get accustom of it I already felt wave of possessives rushing through me. I slide my hand under his shirt and hi giggled in response. I moved to look at him and I felt this urgent need to mark him mine with all my might. “Do you mind now?” I asked in a lower voice than I anticipated. He shook his head and excitement rushed through my body.

“I think I want to do some things to you, you know?” He said and I smiled broadly in response.

“I can’t wait, Yura.” I said and leaned over to finally kiss him and he moved on of his hands behind my back to pull me even closer. I deepened the kiss in the response and started caressing his back with my fingers. I trailed along his spine then moved my hands to the sides kneading the skin here long enough to make him moan in my mouth. I was already getting irritated by all the clothes standing in my way so I started pulling his shirt off and soon it was lying on the floor, other pieces of garments quickly following its way. He moved closer again, sitting in my lap this time. We leant in each other touches again, naked bodies tangled together, skin sweaty and breath more and more difficult to catch. I started kissing alongside Yuuri’s jaw then moved down on his neck then to his collarbone where I sucked hard enough to leave a mark. Mine, I thought and repeated this action few times, earning needy groans from him after each time. He also started to move his hips slowly, making me more aroused with each movement. I continued my travels along his torso while I moved my left hand behind him, to touch him along his back and then put it on his ass. I started making small circles around his cheeks and then I decided to pinch his skin with my fingers which made him squeak.

“Vicchan!” I laughed in response, but apparently he decided he want a revenge because he suddenly wrapped his hand around my dick.

“Yura.” I sad in low, dark voice and his eyes widened beautifully in response. But then he smiled playfully and moved his hand, deliberately and almost painfully slowly. I tilted my head feeling how my muscles tensed because of his actions and I moaned loudly. Then he unexpectedly untangled his legs from around me and raised himself on his knees, so he was slightly higher than me. He was looking at me somewhat obsessive and stopped jerking me off. Then he suddenly reached up with his hand to catch my hair and pulled my head back. I hissed in pain but allowed him to do this anyway, trying my best to impress him by arching my back and exposing myself as much as possible in this position. He hummed apparently satisfied by the view and moved to kiss apple of mu neck and then begin to travel further down, returning the hickeys I gave him just moments earlier. God, maybe I wasn’t the only one feeling possessive here. Yuuri finally made his way to my lover abdomen and I felt his tongue licking my inner thighs. I straighten my back and looked at him, his face positioned right next to my dick. I swallowed. He was being obscenely shameless and I simply loved that. Then he looked up at me almost like he was checking if I’m watching and with wicked grin he opened his swollen from kissing mouth. He was obviously putting on a show, but I couldn’t took my eyes of him when he started pushing my cock inside his mouth. Somehow he managed to get it all inside in one, slow movement and then he swallowed around and I saw stars for a moment. I moaned loudly, and continued doing so as he started bobbing his head up and down making lewd noises. He pulled off for a second and I used this possibility to stop him. After all I didn’t want this to end like this. I caught him under his chin.

“You’re not going to do all the work again, lyubov moya. Come here.” I said rising him up, back to the point in which he was sitting on my lap. I kissed Yuuri roughly holding his head in place with my hands before breaking contact for a moment. He watched me carefully as I leaned over to the side table and then returned with bottle of lube. Then I kissed him again, just because I can and purred some of the lubricant on my fingers. Before he could notice what I was doing I wrapped my hand around his dick and he shrugged because of this sudden, cold touch. I catch his left hand with my right and covered it in lube as well, never stopping kissing him hard in the entire process. He must’ve hint where it’s going and he quickly hold a tight grip around my cock and started moving his fingers up and down, just the way I liked it. Soon breathing became difficult and we stopped kissing, focusing only on jerking each other. God, he was like embodied _eros_ , intoxicating me with his body covered in sweat and dark hair sticking to his forehead. It was already difficult to think, but I had an idea I wanted to try so I moved my hips a bit to better align us and I caught both of our dick with my hand. Yuuri quickly followed by shifting slightly and joining in with his hand. I could tell he was already getting close, excitement visible on his face. Moans and small gasps continued to leave our mouths. It just felt so good to be connected like that, to see how our bodies can be joint like this. Then Yuuri managed to surprise me once more, pulling my face closer to him with his free hand. He leaned over as well so our foreheads connected.

“Watch me, Viktor. Don’t take your eyes off me.” He said and it felt like lighting bold just hit me. His eyes were almost pitch black and full of lust and it was nearly enough to bring me over the edge. We started moving our hands quicker, almost like on command. There was no trying to be silent at this point, our voices sounding like one needy mess just now. On a whim I moved my spare hand from his back to his head, roughly sinking my fingers in his scalp, forcing his head to dig painfully into mine. This move must’ve been too much for Yuuri and he came, screaming loudly as his semen splattering all over our bodies. Couple of quick movements later I joined him moaning and soon mix of our cum was covering both our hands and stomachs. Sweaty, panting and spent we sat like that, our heads still joined together. Never, even for a second, I took my eyes off him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] Spread eagle is one of the elements in figure skating, usually performed right before entering a jump. Skater glides on both feet, the toes turned out to the sides, heels facing each other. You can watch example performances here: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWYS6zC-9GU>


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Someone brought to my attention that it’s possible to confuse Yuuri and Yurio in this story. : I’ll call Japanese Yuuri by Yura and Yurochka since they are just diminutive form of name “Yuri” – and since “Yuuri” is Japanese equivalent for “Yuri” I thought that would be cute and pretty accurate if Viktor will call his boyfriend like that. While speaking about Russian Yuri I’ll make sure to accent who I’m talking about. This chapter if the first time that Yurio appears in this fic, just to be clear :)
> 
> Ah, and as usually you can find references in end notes

**Part IV**

**Earned It**

I adjusted lightning in my phone and scrolled thought insta wall. Not many things happened off season – some people posted pics taken during holidays, some post videos from shows. Nothing interesting though. I was actually trying to find something from Christopher skating camp, that happened to be the one Yuuri went three days ago. It started yesterday, but so far the only posted picture was from Chris account and it was collective picture of skates. I recognized Yuuri of course, but I expected something more. Not that I have no contact with my Yurochka, but as usually he’s not very responsive. I only spoke with him once, during a videochat with Chris when they returned from airport and then we exchanged few words on chat, but that’s it. And after last couple of weeks I kind of expected something more. After he said that he loves me things were a bit different. Some basic things, like eating breakfast together felt more meaningful. And while skating to _Stammi viccino_ I could tell that Yuuri is feeling it like no other program, like he’s really showing his love thought this. Sex was also somehow better. And let make it clear – we are exclusively together for about a year now. Before that we had our moments as well, hook up here and there, starting when he was newbie senior skater[1]. So, that’s around 3-3,5 year we know each other. Thinking about it now it’s kind of stupid we admitted to falling in love only just now. But well, better now than never. I think I have right to expect a bit more from Yuuri because of it. Though maybe he needs some more space after time he spent with me. He’s not used to be with me all the time – so he may need some time to adjust. But it don’t seems right to me, that after all this time we still are not used to each other. And to think about it now, I don’t really see why he’s still living in States. He could easily move to Russia to live with me. That would be easier than me moving to Detroit at least. And I could train him. Or maybe Yakov? That would probably be the safest possibility, at least officially. I don’t think that Yakov would mind. Maybe I should ask him, and bring the news to Yuuri? Going on from next season, so he’s not disturbed right now? God, I can see it working. It’s perfect, really, a way to solve all our problems. I don’t get why none of us brought that earlier. Maybe Yuuri was afraid I don’t want to be with him like that? He can be a bit dense in those matters sometimes. I put the phone on the table and stretched myself. There’s no point siting here alone, thinking about reasons and possibilities. I checked the clock. It was still remotely early, so I think I should check out what Yakov thinks about all of that. Our fate is in Yakov’s hands then, I though while leaving my apartment and heading to the rink.

When I arrived at the rink the only person training was Yurio and Mila. Seems that rest of them was still off. Yakov was also nowhere to be seen, but I’m sure he’ll appear eventually. Mila noticed me first and with a broad smile on her face skated to the railing.

“Viktor! What you’re doing here? Thought you’re still with Japanese Yuuri.” she said, casually leaning over railing to give me a welcome kiss on the cheek. Yakov’s team knew that there was something going on between me and Yuuri, but they don’t know all the details. And as far as I’m concerned they better not think much about us.

“He went to Switzerland three days ago, darling.”

“To Giacometti’s camp, right?” Said Russian Yuri, appearing next to Mila. I nodded and he raised eyebrow “So what are you doing here, old man?”

“I’m looking for Yakov, I have question for him. Where is he actually?” Yurio starts trying to say something, probably explaining me in his typical manner of saying things, that I’m not in Yakov’s team anymore and that’s not my business where he is, but Mila must saw that coming and spoken first.

“He’ll be late today. He said that something came up and gave us some instructions what to do before he’ll join in. But I think it’s perfect that you’re here. This one is already getting on my nerves, so please take care of him so I don’t have to? Coach should be back soon anyway, and this way you can occupy yourself. Pretty please?” She said cheerfully patting Yurio head and looking at me hopefully.

“Baba, if someone here is pain in the ass, that’s you. And I don’t have to be taken care of, especially by him.” Blonde shake Mila hand off his head only to make her put it on his mouth.

“Oooo, little kitten want to roar? You’re so cute when you’re all fierce Little Tiger. But granddad Nikiforov can help you with your sloppy landings darling.” It’s like Mila know how to choose the exact words that infuriate Yurio. He angrily shake her hand off his face, but before things escalate I catch him by the shoulder. He turned to me surprised which gives Mila enough time to skate away, playfully stuck her tongue out at us and then gracefully returned to her practice. Yurio seemed ready to chase her, but I keep holding him at place.

“Yuri, come on, you know that she’s messing with you.” He gave me his famous death stare, but after a second he rolled his eyes and nodded to me.

“Get your skates on then, old man, and show me what you got.”

“I don’t have skates with me. But I can help from here. What is about this landings again?”

“For the fuck sake Victor!”

“We both know I don’t need to get there. So what is it about?” He frowned, not really wanting to admit that he overreacted. Eventually he shrugged.

“My landings are fine, all of them.” He really emphasize _all_ in that phrase. “But I’m still working one my new programs.” He stopped here, and after a second he added: “so maybe you could take a look and tell me what you think?”

“Sure, let’s do that. Just please mark your jumps. I don’t want Yakov to kill me when you hurt yourself.” Yurio started protesting but I didn’t let him interrupt me “Don’t even start Yurio. Just let me turn this music on. Which one is this?”

“ _Rocket Man_[2]That’s my free. It’s the second track, CD is already in.” I raised my eyebrow. This wasn’t Yuris typical choose of music. Previously he mostly skated to classical pieces he chosen along with Lila. I didn’t say anything though, and rushed to turn on the radio. In the meantime Yurio skated to the middle of the rink and positioned himself. He gave me thumb up and I pressed “play” button. And then, he skated. It was… well, amazing. I even felt a prick of envy. This program was different than what he did earlier – it’s bold and fresh. I don’t think that anyone did something quite like that during a competition before. At shows? Maybe. But to do a free skate that includes rap motions in the choreo sequence? That requires bravery that most of people lack. Not Yurio apparently. He skated to the railing.

“So what do you think about this, old man? Do you think Katsudon can beat me this time?”

“Last season, word championship? Was it that traumatic that you decided to forget that Yuuri beaten you back then?” That death glare again. “Anyway, who choreographed this? I can’t imagine Lila doing that.” Yurio laugh at that though.

“No, that was Marie and Samuel.” God, he looked proud of himself. Knowing him he skated this only to prove me how amazing he is. Which kind of worked, I’d give him that.

“Well, they knew what they doing, that for sure. Seems like you finally are ready to step out of the line and earn a name for yourself, Kitten.” He looked at me suspiciously.

“What do you mean by that? My golden medals and word record speaks for itself.”

“So did mine. And yet, who do you think will be remembered?”

“At least I didn’t beat another skater almost to death and was banned from skating for life.” He said folding his arms.

“It wasn’t _almost to death_. And I wasn’t banned, I retired.”

“We all know you retired Viktor, we know it really well.” Said a man standing behind my back while putting his hand on my shoulder. I turned around. Yakov of course, right in time. ” If you two stopped showing off can we move on? I thought I told you, Yuri, to work on yours short program step sequence, not on free.” Yurio rolled his eyes and mumbled something, but seeing his coach cold gaze he moved on with his practice. Then Yakov attention shifted to me. “And you. What are you doing here?”

“Good morning Coach.” I said with a smile. “I wanted to talk to you about something actually.”

“Couldn’t you just call?”

“I thought it would be better to speak in person.” He looked at me with a sullen face for a moment and then sighed. He pointed to a nearby bench and I followed him.

“So what’s so important that we need to talk about in person, Vitya?” I took a long breath before I started.

“Well I had some idea that I need hear your opinion on it. I mean, I’m pretty sure you’ll agree Coach.“ I smiled while saying that, but he didn’t response in any way. “So I know you’re well aware that my relationship with Katsuki Yuuri exceed skating. And recently it became more serious. So I thought that it may be right moment to ask him to move to Russia, to live with me. And of course he’ll need a new coach here, so I was thinking about you? He’s great skater, you know it, and you already helped him while he was training with me so I know both of you will come along great. And of course I’ll help him too, just off the paper. So, what do you think?”

“No.”

“What?” Yakov tilted his head and looked at me with raised eyebrows.

“Really Vitya, you have to ask me? That’s the most stupid and outrageous idea I heard in a long time and I’m coaching both Georgi and Yuri. Katsuki been here what, like week ago? Why couldn’t he come and ask me back then?”

“We didn’t discuss this back then.”

“You said that you want to ask him to move here, not that’s already settled between you two.”

“Well, because it’s not. But that’s won’t be a problem. Come ‘on he should be thrilled to do that! That way we can be together and he can continue to skate. I don’t see a problem here.”

“Because you’re reckless. You act and then think. Or never think. Why would Katsuki want to move to Russia, hmm? He’s on the peak of his career, have earned himself some renown, even finally managed to beat our Yuri. Relationship with you is the only flaw of his. Media were speculating after they noticed that you’re choreographing for him, and thank God no one notice that there’s more to it. Being connected with you Vitya, it’s a death sentence for Yuuri. All sponsorships gone, jury favor gone, career gone.”

“That’s why you are to be his coach, not me! Also you’re exaggerating. I’m doing choreo for many people and no one complained so far. And I’m old story, nothing to be afraid about now.”

“For the god sake, Vitya, did you lose your mind? You broke someone’s arm, someone who happened to be godchild of ISU official. That was probably the loudest drama since Tonya incident[3]. You really think word forgot? Bringing Yuuri here will only hurt him.” He said shaking his head.

“Even if you’re right I don’t see how him being your trainee would have anything to do with me. I’ll keep doing his choreo, but that’s just like now. And…” Yakov raised his hand.

“That’s enough Vitya. You’re missing not a point, but an exclamation mark. I was your coach, and media are smart enough to connect the dots between me, Katsuki and you. Also how do you imagine living with him, without anyone noticing? How, could you explain, can you go out with him without anybody seeing you? Someone will eventually take a picture of you two and leak it. Why do you think Katsuki didn’t post anything online while being in Russia? Because he was so focused on you that he forgot about everything else? Don’t delusion yourself, Vitya. If Yuuri didn’t bring out moving to live with you, it was probably because you’re a problem. Not the only one. Language, legal issues, public eye. Can you imagine what will happen if media realize you two are together? I’d like to remind you that we are in Russia. Even if law is idiotic, it doesn’t change the fact, that in this country one end up in prison for relationship with person of the same sex.” I swallowed loudly.

“I didn’t think about this that way.”

“Don’t get me wrong Vitya. And mark me, as I’m not saying this to give you any hope. I would train Yuuri if he ever wants to transfer. I don’t think he would though, Cialdini’s treating him well, after all. But if he come and ask me in Russian, I would accept him. Doing it now, however it’s not going to help anyone.” I nodded to that. An then nodded again. It wasn’t easy to listen to that. To admit that he’s right. Probably. Yakov patted my shoulder. “I know it’s not easy Vitya, but if you manage it so far, you’ll be good.” Another nod from me.

“I think I should go. I… Thank you, coach.”

“Of course. See you.” I get up and force myself to leave this place. I could sense Yakov sight on my back, but I didn’t turn back. I know only thing he had for me right now is compassion, and I don’t want any of it.

***

Eight days passed since Yuuri left to Switzerland. I found myself half-lying on the sofa, scrolling thought my wall. Again. Nothing much happened since my Yurochka left, apart from conversation with Yakov. I chatted with Yuuri a bit, of course, but I never raised a subject of moving in together. There was not much to speak about anyway. If Yakov was right and Yuuri didn’t want me to interfere, even indirectly, with his career, then there’s no point to touch the subject. Am I have to admit, that Russia doesn’t seems like the best country to live in as a queer person, especially one in relationship. I could still ask him though. Maybe I could move to Detroit? It would still make a lot of media fuzz though. And I don’t think that Yuuri’s coach knew about our affair, so we would have to add another person to our “informed” list. Not many people know so far, as I think about it. Phichit and Chris of course, along with his boyfriend. Then Yakov, because you can’t hide things like this from this man. Team Yakov may suspect something, but they don’t know for sure. And that’s wrap it up. I don’t think that Yuuri family know about us. Which hurts a bit, because if my parents would still be alive[4] I think I would eventually told them. Though to be honest I don’t even know if Yuuri ever properly came out to them. I have no idea about their attitude in this matter. God, I probably should ask him.

After about fifth refreshment of the main page finally something new appeared on my wall. Something I was actually waiting for, even if I didn’t know what exactly to look for. It was video uploaded on Chris account with him and my Yuuri skating to, as putted in the description, song called _Love is a bitch_[5]. There were already comments under it, quite a lot of them containing at least one eggplant. And to be honest, that eggplant looked quite in place. This song and the choreo they were doing was coming off as very sensual and very erotic. Chris would definitely skate to that during a competition, I could picture that. As well as a boner he would likely have after leaving the ice. My mind wasn’t necessarily focused on Chris and his potential boner though, but of course on Yuuri. He was amazing, moving in such a tempting and flirtatious manner. I swallowed. I wouldn’t expect him to do something like this. Of course, we had _Eros_ two years ago, but it wasn’t even close to this. I don’t know if I like that, to be honest. I wouldn’t mind if he would do that for me, but showing off like that on social media it’s a different thing. Especially right next to Chris, who was known for being well, slutty. Not that Chris would do anything with Yuuri, behind my back. Right? He wouldn’t, would he? God, I never thought about that. That someone like Christophe could stab me in the back. I get up and get to kitchen to pour myself some cold water. I shouldn’t be acting like that. It’s just a video, there’s no reason to feel like that. But I couldn’t stop thinking. And all the pictures that starts showing in my mind were almost killing me. Yuuri on top of Chris. Yuuri between Chris and Masumi[6], Yuuri skating to _Love is a Bitch_ during a competition. Part of me was weirdly excited about that. In a wicked, dirty way. But what I feel the most now is pure dread. That love was just here and now, but when he left it all vanished into thin air. That I wasn’t the only one Yuuri was with. That my best friend betrayed me. That I just lost everyone dear to me. I break in cold sweat. I tried to regain my composure, but it was all in vain. I can’t shake those feelings, even if I know my reaction is unreasonable. God, I’m losing it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] Most skaters move from juniors to seniors before they turn 18. And because of that I’d like to say that nothing illegal occurred between Yuri and Victor before Yuri become of proper age.
> 
> [2] _Rocket Man_ is an actual program, that American skater Nathan Chen skated during 2019/2020 season, choreographed by Marie-France Dubreuil and Samuel Chouinard. You can watch it here: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EgvZi4WBeQ>. Please take a notice of this amazing choreo sequence (starting around 3:50) and imagine Yurio doing that! Also no, Yuris won’t be wearing something like Nathan when he perform, he won’t be wearing an egg.
> 
> [3] Tonya Harding. Basically in 1994 she was accused of being part of a plot in which her fellow ice-skater Nancy Kerrigan was badly injured in knee. There’s plenty of information about it online, and there’s also a Hollywood movie about it titled _I, Tonya_ starring Margot Robbie.
> 
> [4] There’s no official info about Viktor family, so I just killed them for the sake of this narrative. I’m not really sorry about it.
> 
> [5] _Love is a bitch_ is a song by Two Feet. It was used for Jason Browns short program in 2018/2019 season, and you can watch him skate it here: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUU9He1Ibak>. I must say that this is the one of my favorite routines so I hope you’ll enjoy it as well!
> 
> [6] Christopher boyfriend. Masumi was a name given by one of YOI cowriter to a man taking care of Chris’s cat when his not in town. I made him his boyfriend, since he’s probably the only close person to Chris apart from Viktor and his coach (and his coach was not an option, really).


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find references in the end notes as always :)

**Part V**

**Loading zones**

Sometimes it feels like time is a liquid flowing between your fingers. It’s supposed to mean something but in the same time it’s impossible to capture it. You can feel it pass but never catch it, never slow it flow. It’s like that now. Day after day is the same. Wake up, drink coffee (no sugar, no milk because Ciao Ciao would kill me), dress up, run, go back home, shower, quick breakfast (must have smoothie), ice training, break, lunch, training in the gym (dance, cardio or yoga) and then back home, shower, movie and chatting with Viktor and back to bed. Usually Phichit would be around to brighten my day, but his still in Bangkok training with Satsuki. I can’t wait till he’ll return. So here I am, sitting alone in the living room in the evening, watching some cheesy drama and trying to be responsive to whatever Vitya is talking about. He’s somewhat different those days. Clingy I’d say, and I’m fully aware that normally he’s a tactile person. It’s normal for us to not speak for days but recently he keeps calling me every day. I don’t really mind, but at the same time… Well, it feel somewhat desperate. Like he thinks he’ll lose me or something. I thought that confessing would calm him, but apparently it’s the other way around. He was always a bit envious, but now it’s becoming more and more visible. Viktor keeps asking me about my relationship with Phichit and Celestino and even with Chris which is creeping me out a bit. He’s weirdly attached to the thought that I’ll change my program and dance to that song that Chris posted online during camp. I already explained to him that it was one of camp objective to come up with choreography with some help from Chris and skate to something that we normally wouldn’t choose. Otabek Altin skated to _Hit me baby one more time_ , for the God’s sake. And it’s online. Along with everyone else’s projects. Few people declared that they’re going to use that program for theirs galas, but I already agreed to skate to _Haru yo, koi_[1] as a tribute to Japan. It’s choreographed by Viktor, of course, as well as my other programs. So I don’t really get why Vitya is so afraid of it. Maybe I’m missing something. I usually do in this kind of matters, to be honest. I probably should ask Phichit. He’ll be back in about a week I think? I’m not really sure I can wait that long. Viktor just texted me asking if I ever noticed JJ staring at me in a flirtatious manner. If he really thinks that JJ notice anything else past the end of his own nose, I believe we’re facing very serious problem here.

***

“So, you’re saying that you confessed to him, and he told you he loves you back, right?” I nodded. Phichit raised his eyebrows in response. He returned yesterday, slept for almost whole day and then started bugging me with questions. Not that I mind, but this situation needed special set up. So I bought beer and some snack and ordered pizza. And took a day off from training tomorrow to Celestino disappointment. Now we’re sitting in the living room, already happy from the buzz and Phichit full on friend-psychologist mode. “Well, then what’s the problem? You love him, he loves you, unicorns and hamsters all around. Only problem I see, is that it only just happened. You know man, I’d expect you to tell him sooner. You have room full of posters with his face back in Japan, remember?”

“He could do that first, you know? I’m not the only one to hesitate. Also I don’t see how the posters are relevant.” Phichit gave me “really” stare but didn’t comment further on that. He took another sip of beer and I continued. “Problem is that he’s so clingy now. He keeps texting to me all the time and asking weird questions. Like if I ever hooked up with you.”

“What? Yuck man, I don’t get off on friends!”

“I told him so. And he said that there’s nothing wrong with that as long you aren’t in relationship. And he asks that kind of questions about other people too. Funny thing is that when we started sleeping with each other I told him he’s my first and that I’ve never been in relationship.”

“Well, but you weren’t necessarily exclusive back then, right? I mean for the two years you only fucked from time to time. So maybe he thinks you had lovers in between?” I looked at Phichit in disbelieve.

“I didn’t!”

“I know that. At least I hope you would tell me! But maybe he’s not so sure? Though I don’t think that’s his business to be honest. You’re not his property after all, and his not entitled to your body. So he has no right to call you out for whatever you did before you started dating.”

“He didn’t call me out Phichit. It’s more like he’s concerned I may lie to him about that? He keeps saying that even if I don’t see myself attractive, others still do.”

“That’s the one thing he’s right about.” I rolled my eyes.

“Right, sure. Well, so I think he kind of want to protect me from others. But he keeps choosing the wrong people. Like you or Chris. I don’t know why he’s so afraid of him above everyone else. Like, how can you expect your best friend to betray you like that?” Phichit shrugged. I opened another can of beer and packet my mouth full of pizza. Then Thai men eyes widened.

“Wait, maybe it’s because of that video? The one of you dancing with Chris.” He picked up his phone and started to search for it on Instagram.

“I know which one, you don’t have to remind me. Vitya asked about it couple of times. He was asking if I was to use it as my gala. And I told him that I’m sticking to his programs and that was just for fun and training.”

“Seriously Yuuri, sometimes you’re so dumb.” I tried to interrupt him, but he stopped me. “Honestly look at it.” And he showed me spoken video. I was trying to imitate Chris movements in it, so there was a lot of hips work and touching my body. Of course there was an undertone to it, but it wasn’t really that explicit, right?

“So what?”

“Oh come on, you are not that oblivious. Viktor is envy. This video is hot, people in comments are crazy. See?” He scrolled down to show me the comments.

“It’s not my fault that people are thirsty. And that’s not even my first time doing more sensual program. Does _Eros_ ring a bell?” Phichit was looking very disappointed right now. He put the phone aside and looked at me seriously.

“I see I need to explain everything. _Eros_ was fine for Viktor because he was aware that you’re skating that for him. Also you wasn’t really together back then, so he can’t really complain. But that’s different. _Love is a Bitch_ is sassy in a Chris way. Which is not Viktor’s way you know? Do you see where I’m going with his? He’s envy because you did something intimate with someone else and allowed it to be posted online.”

“That’s just plain stupid.”

“Nobody said it’s not. But you already told me that he’s basically afraid you would cheat on him. So maybe in his eyes doing someone else’s program is like cheating. And to make things worse you managed to choose song that screams sex, especially when you skate it like you did with Chris. And here comes Chris who is known to be ekhem, Chris. You know, sexy, flirtatious, and probably doing someone blowjob in the spare time.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what Chris do. Or the other way around.” I snorted.

“I don’t believe you just said that.” Phichit winked at me.

“We all know he does, Piggy. And I don’t really think that Chris would disagree with that statement. But it’s not my point. What I’m trying to say that aside for all the reasons to be envy, Viktor could be also afraid because you’re apart. You know, things got serious and then puff, you left him alone in Petersburg and gave him cold shoulder, as you usually do when it comes to regular responding to chatting. But this time is no _as usually_ because now you’re in serious relationship, all love and commitment stuff. So he starts to freak out because you act like nothing major happened and manage to do some questionable stuff in between. I mean from his point of view, there’s nothing wrong in performing this program obviously.”

“You’re genius Phichit.” I said suddenly feeling so dumb. Was I really this oblivious? Did my behavior made things worse? I took a deep breath and ask: “so is it my fault then?”

“Not entirely I guess. You know, if you two would come with this outrageous idea to talk thing through it probably wouldn’t happened. Maybe Viktor would understand that there’s nothing to be envy about, and you would contact him often enough. So basically it’s all because of miscommunication.”

“Hmm, do you think it’s beyond repair then? I think I could just talk to him, like now? Or maybe tomorrow, when I sober up. And just you know, explain and make things fine?”

“Isn’t he visiting for Autumn Classic[2]?”

“Yes, but that’s more than a month from now.”

“I’m asking because I don’t really think that’s the best option to talk about everything online. You do this things in person, Yuuri. Especially because I can tell it’s going to be a long conversation. But I guess it can’t be helped since he’s in the other corner of the word.” I nodded, and picked another piece of pizza.

“I’ll call him and explain everything. And then maybe talk with him more about it in September.”

“That make’s sense.” I smiled in response.

“Thank you, Phichit. I don’t know what I would do without you.” He rolled his eyes.

“Die in pain and suffering it’s my guess, Piggy.”

***

“Yurochka!” Viktor cheerfully exclaimed when he finally appeared on my screen. I smiled back and waved at him.

“Hey Vitenka. Good to see you.” God, I felt so ashamed about not chatting with him enough, seeing his reaction now. He’s almost glowing with happiness. He seemed so hyped up earlier when I asked if he have time to Skype later today. I sigh. I’m terrible boyfriend, apparently.

“Hey, what with that face? Something happened?” He looked really concerned. I didn’t even realize that’s my feeling are showing like that. God, get yourself together Yuuri.

“What? No, not really, everything is fine. I mean, almost? There’s one thing I wanted to talk about with you.” My words didn’t seem to calm him even a bit.

“And what is it, then?”

“Since I left Russia I felt that’s something between us is a bit off.” The dread was written on his face. He tried to say something but I interrupted him. “I couldn’t really tell what it is though, and I thought that’s maybe my imagination. But it kept bugging me and asked Phichit…”

“You talked about us with Phichit?” He visibly frowned.

“I did. But in a good way, you don’t need to be worried about him. He actually made me realize what I was missing.”

“Which is?”

“That we miscommunicated. I mean I kept not answering your calls and I think that maybe because of that you started to be um, concern about me?”

“I’m always concern about you, Yuuri.”

“I know. And I like that you care enough to worry. But recently it was a bit too much, you know? You kept asking about Chris and Phichit and others and it felt like you don’t trust me around people anymore. And I know that by ignoring your texts I made you suspicious. I just didn’t expect that my silence can be read like this. I thought that responding you only from time to time is enough. That I don’t need to prove you that I care, that I love you all the time because that’s obvious. But now I don’t think it was.” His eyes were fixated on me, but he didn’t say anything. I felt lump forming in my throat and panic building in my stomach. Maybe I misunderstood something. Maybe Phichit was wrong, and we both just assumed things and now Viktor is going to be mad not only because I got it wrong but also because I talked about private matters with someone else. God, if I screwed up everything then we’re done, for good most likely. I’m a complete idiot…

“Yuuri stop, I can see your thoughts on your face.” I blinked directing my focus on Viktor again. He sigh. “You’re right I think. I may act a bit weirdly and outdone myself again. I know we always been like this, talking only from time to time and seeing each other in person couple times in a year. But when you said you love me I don’t know, something broke inside of me. And I started expecting more, but we performed poorly as you noticed. I had all of those terrible thoughts that you didn’t really care, and I became suspicious. And started acting the way you described. I don’t know why I didn’t simply talked to you.” He smiled sheepishly. “I don’t know, do you think we can start over?”

“Vitya, of course we can! I mean maybe not over, because is there really a need to do that? I thought that maybe we could be more open from now on and work on our flaws and solve everything this way.”

“That be awesome, though… I barely know you, Yuuri.” He said looking to the side. His hair moved a bit so his bangs fall on his eyes, covering him partially.

“No one knows me as you do, Viktor.” He raised his head in response.

“I have no idea if you ever come out to your parents Yurochka, or if you told them that we’re together. See, I’m that kind of person that would indirectly accuse you of being unfaithful but never ask about what you’re really like. One would say that’s good enough reason to part our ways.”

“Don’t even talk about it! God, Viktor, I’m dense but you’re too from time to time. That’s a simple question that I can answer you right now. I didn’t told my parents that I’m bisexual. They know however, that I’m seeing someone but I didn’t tell them who. They probably think that’s still fresh and that’s why I’m not telling them. I’m not proud about that, but it’s pretty scary to come out, and I couldn’t found strength to do that yet. But my sister knows which side I’m swinging and that we’re together. So it’s not like I’m hiding you, I’m hiding myself.” I took a deep breath before continuing. “So please don’t mention ever again breaking up. Maybe we made some stupid mistakes, but we can still learn from them and move one, smarter and stronger together.”

“Yuuri.” I think I saw tears forming on his cheeks.

“I can’t stand the thought of losing you, Vitya.”

“I don’t want to lose you too.”

“Can we just, you know, move on, from here? Talk to each other properly? I promise to text with you every day and we can have video chat at least every weekend?”

“Of course lyubov moya, that would be perfect. From my side I’ll try to be less suspicious. And maybe ask instead of assume things.”

“I’ll do the same.”

“I want to hug you now, you know? To be able to feel you and touch you.” He was definitely crying now. God, I didn’t even know that he could look so beautifully vulnerable.

“Me too, Vitya. Soon.” He nodded, and wiped tears from his face with his hand.

“Soon.” He said with a smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] _Haru yo, koi_ is a exhibition gala program performed by Yuzuru Hanyu (Japanese figure skater). You can watch it here: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUpKps5UnQs>.
> 
> [2] Autumn classic is part of the ISU Challenger Series. It’s organized in Canada, by Skate Canada. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> I’ve made small mistake in this chapter – I’m referring here to the gala after Autumn Classic International, but apparently there’s no gala happening after this event. I’ve learned it after I wrote this chapter and I’m going to leave it like that because I don’t really think that’s a big deal but I wanted to let you know, just in case ;)  
> Also, as usually, you can find reference in the end notes.  
> Thanks for keeping up with me so far!

**Part VI**

**Closer**

I noticed him first. He was wearing this camel coat that made him look like the most handsome man on earth. He was searching around, probably trying to spot me and when he finally did, his light blue eyes sparkled with joy. He pulled the fringe away from his eyes, broad smile appeared on his face and he spread his arms wide. I ran to him and quickly joined in hug, holding him tightly. Distant voice in my head said something about airport being a public space, but I decided not to care about it, just this one time.

I helped Victor with his luggage and soon we were on our way to hotel. We didn’t really talk much while in taxi, but we were holding our hands for the whole time and for some reason it was the cutest and most heartwarming moment of my life. After finally arriving to the hotel I led him to our room. Phichit wasn’t happiest when I informed him that we aren’t going to share room this time, but I promised him that Vitya would take a look on his programs so he looked quite pleased after all. I moved Viktor baggage to the closet and when I returned he was sitting on the bed with a bit of a sheepish smile.

“What?” I asked. He leaned to the side and his smile became wider.

“I’m so happy I got to be with you now, that I think my heart is going to burst. And I just had this ridiculous thought that we’re almost like newlywed about to start honeymoon.”

“Newlywed?”

“What do you think, maybe we actually should marry? I can picture us saying our oaths somewhere nice, like maybe in Barcelona, right next to Sagrada Familia? I always liked this place.”

“Viktor, eee.” He interrupted me with loud laugh. He stood up and approached me.

“Yuuri, don’t panic. I was just daydreaming, nothing serious. If I wanted to propose I would do that in more representable place than hotel room in Canada. And I would probably do that during date, not right after I left the plane.”

“You had this serious face you know? And I just didn’t saw that coming and, ugh you know.”He placed his hands on the side of my face and leaned over to kiss my forehead.

“I know, Yurochka, I know.” He said smiling to me. I used this opportunity to hug him again and he returned the embrace with a small laugh. After couple of minutes in this position he spoke: “so, what are the planes for today? I’m quite tired after flight but I think I can go for couple more hours and maybe try to go to sleep on proper hour?”

“Ciao Ciao actually rented a rink for us, so we can train almost like normal. I told him that I don’t think you would join us today, but I don’t think he would mind if you’ll appear. We start at 6 pm and have rink for three hours. So...“ I checked time on my phone. “We have exactly 68 minutes until then. Rink is around 15 minutes’ walk from here, so maybe we could order some food to the room and eat before we leave?” Viktor nodded.

“That’s sound great, lyubov moya” He added with cheerful smile.

When we arrived on the rink Phichit was already there doing warm up. He waved at us and skated to the entrance to the ice.

“Viktor! It has been a while!”

“Since Rostelecom three years ago, I think.” Vitya responded and reached out to give Thai man welcoming hug.

“The unforgettable Rostelecom, hmm?” More said than asked Celestino, who just appeared behind my back. Viktor shifted slightly, but decided to not respond. Of course he had to said that, I thought looking at the two men exchanging handshakes. Ciao Ciao kind of hated Viktor. Not only because of the incident, the two of them had some ongoing issue, though I’m not certain if Vitya was ever aware of it. But Rostelecom must’ve assured Celestino about him, and he wasn’t really pleased when I told him that Viktor is going to be my choreographer. He was even more disappointed when I told him we’re together. He told me that if anyone would leak that to publicity, I’m done for life as a skater. And he’s right, I don’t deny that. But no one is going to find out, so everything is gonna be ok, I’m sure of it.

“Yuuri, get on the ice.” Celestino voice brought me back to reality. I nodded, quickly changed into skates and joined Phichit for a warm up. When we finished Ciao Ciao waved at us to join him and Viktor next to the railing. “We decided that today you’ll skate both your programs to let Mr. Nikiforov see how they look like and after we’ll work on your jumps. Then from tomorrow on we’ll divide our time. We have three hours, so we’ll spend first one training together, doing warm ups and things like that. Then we’ll spend one hour working with you individually and then change, so you’ll get to train with each one of us every day. We have ten days before shorts and I believe that this way we’ll achieve optimal results.”

“Whoa, I thought that I’ll only get like one hour at most with Viktor, not a whole hour every day.” Said Phichit with a broad smile. “That’s actually awesome!” Vitya smiled in response.

“I want to be of help, and that’s the best way to take care of both of you.” Russian said.

“What do you think Yuuri?” Celestino asked.

“Sounds good to me.”

“Let’s start with shorts then. Phichit, you’ll skate first.” Thai man nodded and skated to the center of the rink. While Ciao Ciao was busy with setting up the music I looked at Vitya. He noticed my sight on him and winked. I smiled back and with the first sounds of the music turned my focus to Phichit again. This is going to be interesting.

***

Phichit has won short skate, but after the free skate dropped to the second position and I managed to get the gold. It was tight though, and to be honest, that was probably partially Victor’s fault. He polished Thai man programs and helped him with his quad salchow, while he also managed to get me tired after another night spent not only on sleeping. Well, sex wasn’t exactly only his idea, but it was quite hard not to touch him all the time after being apart for almost two months, so I think I’m excused.

“Yuuri, where’re you?” Viktor waved his hand in front of my face and I jumped. Which of course made him laugh.

“God, you scared me, you know?” He smiled. Of course he knew.

“You drifted away, and missed the best sight in the word.”

“Which is?” I said looking at him. He took couple of steps back and spread his arms wide. Of course, he was naked.

“Me!”I snorted in response and leaned to the back, supporting my hands on the bed.

“I got to see it every day since you joined me here, Dear. You need to try harder to surprise me.” I thought he would pout about it, but he only shrugged and smiled wider.

“Oh come’ on Yurochka. You just won.” He closed the distance between us in one step and leaned over me. He started tracing circles around my medal, still hanged on my neck.” And you know I only kiss gold. And it happened that you have one here. So you know, I thought…

“I need to take shower.” I answered and he responded with rolling his eyes.

“I don’t mind. You smell like victory.” He whispered to my ear. It was cheesy but nonetheless made shivers went through my body. I turned my head to look directly in his eyes. If he want to play the _gold_ card then I’m up for it. But we’re going to do it my way.

“If I won that means that I’m the one choosing the reward, right?” He smiled with delight and nodded. Then in one swift move I took the medal from my neck and put it on him. He looked surprised, but soon wicked grin appeared on his face. We played this game couple of times before, but I never made him wear my medal. It was a first but apparently welcomed one. “I’m going to fuck you, Vitya, and you’re going to wear that.” I said pointing to the golden disc. His eyes sparked with excitement. Before he could do something I pulled him closer and kissed him deeply. He moaned loudly in my mouth and started caressing my torso with his fingers. I was still wearing my costume[1] and it soon started to be a layer too much, even if friction between my skin and the fabric was pleasant at the beginning. I moved to unbutton my jacked and when I finally managed to took it off Viktor quickly helped me out of my blouse. Then he kissed me again and I felt cold metal pressing on my stomach. It was so fucking hot to know that he’s wearing my medal and I’m the only one who get to see him like this. I groaned and kissed him again, deeper and rougher than before. In return he bit my lower lip almost breaking skin and I made a needy moan. Then he moved, slowly making his way from my neck to my torso. He licked along veins on my neck, then moved a bit to the side to quickly bite my earlobe and get back to suck on my nape. My heart skipped a beat. God, he’s leaving marks there and I’m certain my costume for gala exhibition is not going to cover that. But Viktor didn’t allowed my thoughts to drift apart. Instead he continued his travel through my body, this time focusing his attention on my nipples. I felt him licking one, while he caressed other one with his fingers. Suddenly he pinched it and I hissed. He quickly licked it looking up on me while doing that. I love him like this, face flushed and eyes fixated on mine. He kept kissing and licking on my nipples while his hands started caressing my sides, lightly kneading my skin. I couldn’t keep my voice quiet any longer and I allowed all sort of noises to escape me. Then his hand traveled further down, and started touching my crotch through pants. They were already getting to tight to be bearable and soon I lifted my hips and asked him in hoarse voice to help me get out of them. Viktor complied, and then kneeled on the floor. While looking at me he lifted my leg and deliberately slowly leaned over to kiss my fingers. I swallowed loudly and kept making noises while his mischievous lips and tongue were sucking and licking all over my toes, while with his other hand he was massaging my sore calf. After a while of this treatment I decided to let go and fallen on my back. I closed my eyes and focused on his touch on my skin. When he was done with my feet he moved to the upper leg licking, kissing and kneading it in the process. I felt his fingers touch on my thighs and I instinctively spread my legs wide. He chuckled and then, out of nowhere, he sucked hardly on my groin. I moaned and then he sucked it on the other side, only harder this time, and I moaned again but louder. He licked all over the place to soothe irritated skin perhaps. Or maybe because he wanted to kept teasing me. My cock was already hard and leaking, but he didn’t touched it once, even by accident. It was becoming unbearable and I thought that maybe it’s time to get things in my hand. I got up and he looked at me slightly surprised.

“Get on the bed Vitya. On your four.” He blinked, but followed my order without saying anything. I looked at him, ass high in the air, head tilted flirtatiously to the side, so he could see me. And of course the medal hanging from his neck, laying on the sheets. I moved to pick it up and lifted it in front of his face. Without me telling he what to do he lean to it and while looking in my eyes kissed the gold, just like say he said he’ll do. But he didn’t finish here, licking it along with my fingers. It was getting harder and harder not to fuck him raw right now. I let small groan to escape my chest and allowed medal to drop on the bed. Viktor was still following me with his eyes when I moved from his side, lightly caressing his back with my fingers in the meantime. He arched beautifully to my touch and remained like that, knowing that this way he’s perfectly exposed. Before I moved on however I leaned to pick up lube from the drawer.

“Vitya?” I asked looking at the purple package lying right next to lubricant.

“Hmm?”

“Do you want me to use condom?” Usually I was the one being fucked and we had this unspoken rule to always use protection before competition, to avoid any potential irritation. But this time I was topping and wasn’t really sure how he felt about that.

“You don’t have to.” I smiled to myself and quickly picked bottle with lube. Before doing anything else I needed to prepare him though and I started with slowly massaging his buttocks with my hands. Then I started circling his hole with my fingers. I blow on it and watched as it twitch in result. I leaned forward and placed couple of haste kisses on his cheeks before moving on to lick his pink pucker. He moaned in surprise, probably not expecting me to rim him. I slowly stuck my tongue inside him, spreading his ass with my hands. I started to wiggle it inside him which earned me some incoherent noises from him. I continued twisting my tongue and covered my hand in some lube. I reached to his already hard dick and gave him few strokes. I felt his body tense a bit in response. Then I pressed my thumb in his frenulum and then moved my fingers on his shaft again, slowly jerking him off. I didn’t want him to come like this however, and soon I stopped to his very laudable disappointment. Instead I replaced my tongue with finger and then another one and started fingering him. I may or may not deliberately kept missing his prostate in the process, which of course was adding to his growing distress. “For the God sake, Yuuri, fuck me already!” He exclaimed at some point, moaning loudly as my fingers kept fucking him. I stopped and to his surprise overturned him, so he was laying on his back. It was a beautiful picture, his body spread out on bed, legs unabashedly opened, cock leaking precum and my golden medal in the center of everything, shining in the middle of his chest. I leaned to quickly kiss him, and then moved his leg to rest on my shoulder. Viktor raised his hips to give me better access. I reached to pour us some more lube, just to be safe, and aligned my dick in front of his entrance.

“Ready?” I asked just to be sure, and he nodded eagerly. Then I pressed my tip in, and feeling no resistance I slipped the rest of my cock inside. He moaned shamelessly loudly and hurried me to fuck him. I complied and rolled my hips, this time making sure to hit his prostate with every thrust. His body was arching in pleasure and incoherent noises kept leaving his mouth. I started to move faster, and when it was not enough I almost bended him in half, to fuck him deeper and harder. He shouted my name and then started blabbering something I couldn’t really tell apart. Judging by his looks he was getting close as well as me. I looked at him and got an idea. I reached with my hand to pick up the medal again, while also slowing my movements. Viktor looked at me with blurry eyes, sudden change of pace catching his attention. I took a deep breath and rotated the medal in my hand so the ribbon it was hanged on twisted around Vitya’s neck. He realized what I was doing and his eyes widened. “Do you mind if I choke you?” I asked, stopping all my movements to allow him to gather himself up and respond to me properly. Even if I really wanted to do that I was not going to move on without his consent. I looked at him, still having trouble in catching his breath, and I waited. After a while of silence he nodded. He also moved his hand so it was leaning flat against my stomach.

“Do it, but if I pinch you stop immediately, ok?

“Of course.” He smiled at my response.

“Great. Now fuck me rough and fuck me good Yura.” I complied and gradually set the previous pace back. In seconds he was moaning again, murmuring something incomprehensible. It was getting difficult to move in steady rhythm and I could feel Vitya muscles tense around me more and more desperately with every thrust so I decided it’s the time. I touched his hand on my stomach to made sure he’s fine and after he gave me reassuring squeeze I picked up the medal again and twisted it around, so the ribbon lopped around Viktor’s neck. Then in one smooth motion I moved it so it was tightly tangled around him, making him unable to breath properly and made sure to fuck him as roughly as I can. He moaned and after short while I felt his whole body tense and he came, his sperm sputtering on his chest and face, some also on the medal. I quickly loose it around him to made sure not to hurt him and started chasing my own release. I came inside him soon, thanks to his hole twitching around me with my every thrust. I kept riding my orgasm out for a minute and then withdraw myself, only to see how my cum flows out of him. He moaned weakly at the sudden emptiness. “For the love of god, Yuuri.” He murmured quietly. I carefully moved his leg from my shoulder to lie it on the bead and leaned over to kiss him sloppily. Then I licked traces of the white liquid from his face and made him shiver in effect. I wanted to get up to bring something to clean him up, but suddenly he caught my hand and pulled me back on the bed. Then he quickly wrapped himself around me in tight hug and murmured something about me staying and not going anywhere. I chuckled a bit and secured my hands around him.

“I love you, Vitya.” I whispered to his ear. He looked at me, his eyes still a bit fuzzy and smiled lightly.

“I love you too.”

***

It took me a while to get ready in the morning, but I finally managed to get myself together, take shower and put on some clothes. I also made sure I packed my _Haru yo,_ koi[2] costume for today gala. I was almost ready to leave when I noticed that Viktor is getting ready as well. Which would be fine, but I never agreed to him coming to the exhibition. He must have noticed I was looking at him, because he looked at me and asked with a smile.

“Something wrong Yurochka? You look confused.”

“Are you going to the gala?” I asked, already feeling tension building in my chest.

“Well yes? It’s a small competition, not many people are there, so I thought I could sneak in and no one would notice.”

“Viktor, press would be there. And whole thing is recorded, if someone notice they’ll start asking questions and answers will probably leady to me and…” He interrupted me.

“I’m going to wear a hat and glasses Yuuri. And a scarf around my face. No one is going to notice, and I’ll leave rink before anyone else to make sure no one pay attention to me. Also I’m your official choreographer, so that’s quite obvious that I may appear on one of your shows at some point. I actually could insist for a pass to get next to the rink section, so don’t complain.”

“Viktor, but you know that it can get bad pretty easily. I know it’s rough on you, but I already skated all of my routines in front of you, many times in fact. It’s the beginning of the season and I don’t want to start it with some drama!” He looked at me irritated.

“Or maybe you’re just ashamed of me. You said earlier, that I’m not the one you’re hiding but let’s be honest, that’s actually what you’re doing. I’m fine as long as anyone else sees us, right?”

“Vitya, no.” I said quietly, a bit stunt by his reaction.

“Really?” He folded his arms and looked at me expectantly. I utter a sigh. That was not the right time for this conversation.

“It’s more complicated than this, and you know that. We can talk about it later, but you know I have to leave now or I’d be late for practice before gala. Just do as I ask this time ok?”

“I always do what you ask of me and I’m not certain that it pays of in any way.”

“What the hell, Vitya? You can’t be serious now.” I snapped and I looked at him in disbelief. “Don’t do it to me now. Just stop. Stay here, I’ll be back late afternoon and we’ll discuss everything then.” His eyes were cold and he didn’t respond me in any way. I sigh again in resignation. “There’s no banquet this time, so I should be back right after gala. Around 4 pm I think? Wait here for me, please.“ I asked him and after another lack of response from him I took my equipment bag, put my shoes on and left the apartment. I tried really hard not to slam the door behind me.

I didn’t notice him on the stands during gala, _so at least he listened to me_ , I thought entering the hotel room. He was there, wearing tracksuit and sitting in the corner of the bed looking at something on his phone. He raised his eyes when I got in, but didn’t said anything, still angry at me, apparently. I left my stuff on the floor and poured myself some water before joining him on the bed.

“Vitya.” I said trying to keep my voice calm.

“Hmm?”

“Don’t ignore me like that, please. We should talk about what happened in the morning.”

“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about Yuuri. It’s quite apparent to me now how the things are. You don’t need to explain yourself.” He said, still continuing to scroll his phone.

“So we’re back to assuming things, then?”

“It’s called logical thinking.” I tried to hold my growing anger and act grown up, which he apparently wasn’t capable of now. _But still, even if he can’t, I need to try_ , I thought.

“Just listen to me, ok? It’s not like that I want to hide you from the word. Not the Vitya I know, at least. You’re important to me, you know that already. But the thing is that some things happened in the past that made you a sore in the public eye. And in ISU eye as well. Having you as my choreographer is risky enough, but as long as we keep things quiet it’s fine.”

“That’s risky for you and your career.”

“Yes?” He put his phone away and looked at me seriously. I swallowed loudly. I sort of feel that this is not going to end well.

“I get, that you’re afraid. But we’re not talking only about your career here, but also our relationship. I’m aware now that some of the closest people to you know about me and I’m glad that you told them. But it’s not enough anymore. You told me that you love me, but you’re not ready to accommodate to me in any way.” I wanted to interrupt him, but he shook his head. “I just flied across the globe for you, Yuuri. I was even thinking about moving to Detroit to be closer, since Russia would probably be quite problematic for you. But now I see that it’s simply convenient for you, that we’re apart for most of the time. It’s fun when we’re together for couple of days. You know, sex is great and you got to train with one of the best skaters alive, so it’s all pros for you. And then you think that chatting with me is enough to keep on my good side. You panicked when I joked about getting married, and then cause this scene in the morning. How do you expect me to feel after this?”

“I think I’m missing something here. Yes, I’m concerned about my career, what’s wrong with that? My career is my life Vitya, I think you should understand that better than anyone else. So of course I’m cautious when it goes to show up with you publicly! But it doesn’t have to be forever. I know that it’s rough and I’d like to go to restaurant with you without any restrains as well, but we’re both somewhat recognizable and I don’t want to risk everything just to have date with you! Also you’re the one that offered to choreograph for me, so don’t make me guilty of agreeing to that. And what it was about Detroit? Are you mad? You know that Celestino disapproves of you, even if he tolerates you for short periods of time. This is just outrageous Viktor, I don’t get it.” He got up from the bed and started walking circles around the room.

“You don’t get it? Did you even listened to what I said? Doesn’t have to be forever? Then when would you openly admit to being with me? When you finish amateur career? But what with shows after? Do you think they’ll hire you if we’re together? Or maybe I should wait till you retire completely, so we can move to some secluded island as elderly couple? Maybe I’m haste and I’m acting without thinking but at least I care about you, not only for myself. For the god sake, do you even think about me when we’re not together? I keep seeing your face when I’m sleeping sometimes you appear even when I’m awake. Once in a club I thought I’m dancing with you and almost ended up fucking this random person, before I realized that’s not really you.” He must have realized that he probably shouldn’t mention that last thing. His face become almost white and he covered his mouth with his hand. I get up as well, no longer holding my anger back.

“You screwed someone and you dare to accuse me of cheating?”

“Almost Yuuri, nothing major didn’t happened.” He said quietly, his face still pale.

“Major? Do I even want to ask what do you mean by that? If you keep seeing me in places there’s no chance I’m actually at, then maybe you should seek professional help Vitya.”

“Yurochka, it’s not like that.” He reached to me with his hand, but I moved away from him.

“I don’t want to listen to that. In fact…” I grabbed some clothes from the wardrobe. “I’m going to sleep in Phichit’s room tonight. You have flight back to Russia tomorrow so just make sure I won’t see you till you depart. And think twice what you want say to me before you’ll even try to contact me.”

“Yuuri, just let me…” But I didn’t listened to whatever he had to say and left room this time intentionally slamming door behind me. He didn’t follow. I knocked on Thai man door and he looked at me concerned.

“Yuuri, good you’re here.”

“Wait, why? “ I asked confused. “Something happened?”

“You didn’t come here because of the picture?”

“What picture, Phichit?” I felt panic growing in my chest. “Show me, now.”

“Easy, Yuuri.” He said letting me into his room. “Just let me grab my phone.” I took a sit on bed and watched him in tension as he kept clicking on his IPhone. Then he showed me the screen. Oh God. Oh God, why. That’s the worst thing ever. It wasn’t really obvious who’s the other man on the picture, but that was definitely Victor holding someone at the airport when he arrived in Toronto. And both me and Phichit knew who was this second person. I couldn’t hold my tears any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] To be honest Yuri would probably change into sweats after performing, but let’s just ignore this, ok? Oh, and he’s still wearing costume from _Stammi Vicino_ if you wonder ;)
> 
> [2] Yuuri is wearing the exact same costume that Yuzuru Hanyu did for his original program. It looks like that: <https://66.media.tumblr.com/e7a2d425f2b9e1bf48c262f42f6c05e8/tumblr_pbbv7yxk7T1w0e7n8o1_500.jpg>


	8. Chapter 8

**Part VII**

**Can't go on without you**

The only spot of the light in the room was from my phone, set up to Yuuri’s number. The only thing I had to do to reach him was to press „call” button but somehow it was an impossible task. I don’t know exactly how many times I picked up my phone to finally contact him. How many times I decided that today, right now, I’ll explain everything to him. And how many times I gave up, and continued to feel bad about myself. Chris said that it’s not normal to act like that. That I should get myself together and face consequences of my decisions. That if I care about Yuuri that’s the only way I can respect him. But as usual in this kind of matters, easier said than done. Three weeks passed since I left Canada. Three weeks since our quarrel and three weeks since someone posted that pic online. I found out about it when I was still in Toronto, but Yuuri refused to talk with me straight away. At least that’s what Phichit told me, since Yuuri also refused to see me. And I get why, at least now. This kind of coincidence in time easily can get under your skin. So I flew back to Russia and watched how the photo drama develops from here. It wasn’t that serious. I mean, only one showing on this pic was me. Person who took it claimed that the man I was holding was Yuuri, and he simply couldn’t get better picture without being discovered. Some people believed that, and the fact that I was officially his choreographer only added to the gossips. Question was what the hug meant. Because well if I visited to train him, then that could be only friendly, welcoming embrace right? But of course there were other voices, saying that we’re holding like lovers, not associates or even friends. It was all assumptions of course, no one was able to prove anything, but it still showed that maybe coming to the public eye again wasn’t the best idea. Even as his coach. Which hurts a lot, obviously. Especially that some people decided to bring up my past as well, publishing pictures and videos of what happened at Rostelecom three years ago. So maybe, I thought putting my phone aside again, it’s so hard to call Yuuri, because not only I need to apologize, but also because I have to admit to being wrong.

It took me another few days to finally reach Yuuri. I texted him if maybe he’ll have some spare time to speak after he’s done with his training today. And he answered, to my surprise. He asked me to speak at 7 pm Detroit time, which is about 2 am Petersburg time. Late, but manageable. And here I am, sitting on my bed, laptop positioned on my lap and knees a bit shaky from the stress. When message from him appeared on my screen I almost felt like my heart would burst. It was simple _call me when you’re ready_ but idea of seeing him just now felt almost foreign after such a long break. I pressed “call” button on Skype and most likely stopped breathing until his face appeared on my laptop. He wasn’t looking in the camera but behind it and then I heard someone’s voice. Phichit’s I think?

“You don’t need to talk to him, you know?”

“I know, really. Now leave me alone, ok?” He responded to that and this simple phrase lifted my hopes up. If he was encouraged not to speak with me, but decided to do this nonetheless maybe there’s still hope for me. “Sorry, that was Phichit. He’s just a bit overprotective this days.” He said, looking at me somewhat apologetic.

“No worries, that’s fine. I actually think it’s great you have someone worrying about you there. Even if that means I’m the one considered a threat.” I was hoping he would smile to that, maybe denied, but he only shrugged. I sighed before moving on. “Well, hello then. Good to see you.”

“Yeah, good to see you too.” He responded, and again I felt that there’s still chance for me.

“I’m sorry for not reaching out for so long. I just needed time to collect my thoughts, you know?”

“I needed this time as well Vitya. It was rough not to speak with you, but I don’t think I could do that earlier. There were…” He hesitated for a second. “Too many emotions. And while this photo was still trending it was easy to get distracted again.” I nodded.

“Yeah, it was bad. I’m really sorry for what happened. I mean I couldn’t do anything about pic being leaked, but I’m sorry it had to come to that to make me realize that I’m really bad influence for you.”

“Not for me. For my public self, ok?” I chuckled.

“That’s adorable Yuuri, but there’s no reason for you to comfort me like that. This is not conversation about this photo, but about how I almost managed to fuck up everything.”

“You didn’t…” I gave him the look, and he gave up. “Ok, you did. I mean I still hope some of it will make some sense after your explanation. If you plan to explain, that is.”

“I do. But before I just want to say that I regret all of that. Treating you badly, arguing the way we did. And being hothead three years ago, because our problems are side effect of that.” I took a deep breath. “I don’t really know where to start, to be honest. I had this conversation many times in my head, but it doesn’t make it any easier now. I think that falling in love with you also activated some sort of sick possessiveness in me. Also, I loved you sooner than I admitted. And when I couldn’t be with you often enough my mind freaked out. I freaked out. And you know how it went after that. You said that I should seek professional help and Chris said that as well and perhaps you’re both right.”

“I only said that because we were fighting though.”

“I know. But it makes some sense. Because that’s not normal that I saw you while looking at someone else, which is exactly what happened in that club. I mean, it only happened this one time. And I’m still not sure about going to psychologist just because this one time. But I’m going to watch myself carefully and please do tell me if you notice me acting weirdly.”

“Vitya, what actually happened in that club?” He swallowed hardy. “You told me you almost fucked someone.” I kept looking at nothing for a while, before answering. It was just so damn hard to talk about it. But I needed to be honest with him. That was all I could do at least.

“It was before you came to Russia. Around two weeks before you visited, I think? I went to the club just because I didn’t know what to do with myself. I swear, I only wanted to have a drink, maybe dance for few hours and get back home, not to get laid. But I had more than just one drink. And while dancing I noticed someone and back in that moment I was quite certain that was you. I know it doesn’t make sense, but it did back then. And I danced with him and kissed him. And then ended in a damn toilet stall. Before anything more happened I realized that’s someone else, and I went home. I did, really. I even left my jacked there, because I couldn’t stand sole idea of going back there. And when I came back home I… Um, felt really bad.”

“Viktor, please don’t lie to me now. What did you do when you get back home?”

“That’s embarrassing.”

“That’s your excuse after cheating on me?” He said looking a bit irritated.

“I… Oh, ok, damn. I was really horny ok? And it was already late so calling you wasn’t really an option. So I played your last season performances and jerked off myself to them. Here, I’m that fucked up.” He smiled in response, actually looking quite amused now. Sometimes I don’t get how quickly his mood changes.

“Well I was doing this kind of things to your performances when I was a teenager so even if it’s kind of gross I can’t really judge you on that.”

“You did?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” Yuuri, my Yuuri used to jerk off to my performances. It makes sense knowing how big of a influence I was on him as a skater, but damn, I had no idea that his crush on me was like that. I must admit, I like that a lot. It only proves that where he’s now is my doing, even if I wasn’t fully aware how I shaped him.

“I don’t mind you doing that Vitya. I touch myself while thinking of you quite often when we’re apart, so it’s only fair that you can do it as well. But it’s not really about that. It’s a bit hard to believe that you just imagined that someone else was me, to be honest. That’s pretty fucked up.” He said quietly.

“I think I just missed you so much.” I responded quickly. Maybe too quickly, but I still felt so enthusiastic after his confession, that I couldn’t help myself.

“It doesn’t make it easier for me to trust you now.” It was difficult to say on camera how his face looks like now.

“I know. I mean, I don’t know how can I prove to you that I won’t ever do that again.” I tried to convince him.

“I don’t know either. But I want to believe in you.”

“Yuuri.” I wanted to be there with him, to hold him and comfort him and convince him. To tell him that everything will be all right. However that’s impossible. 

“I don’t know Viktor. I really don’t know. I’m certain that I love you and because of that I want to be with you. But it’s difficult now. I want to trust you, but then I imagine you with someone else and it’s killing me from inside. And that argument we had back in Toronto. It was about you showing up on competitions, and about moving to Detroit. And a lot of others things. It’s just really hard for me to move on. Especially that not that far ago we talked about how we’re going to talk things thorough and be more responsible in relationship in general.”

“Yuuri, can you tell me something?” I interfered him. Yuuri raised his eyebrow.

“What is it?”

“Will we ever be able to be together? Like normal people do. Living in one place, maybe get married, have kids. Would you even like to be like that?” I could feel panic growing in my chest. It felt almost like he wants to leave me just to have simple life. Like I was a problem for him and the pros of our relationships didn’t equal the cons.

“Of course I do. It’s just difficult to imagine things a bit further in the future. I want to settle down at some point. But I can’t tell you when exactly. And you said something about it back then as well, right? When will my career stop being an obstacle? I thought about that, and I don’t know. I really don’t know. For now I’m thinking about this season and upcoming Olympic. I’m sorry I can’t tell you when exactly. It’s just… I want to be like you. Great skater, who redefined the discipline. Well, maybe not redefine, that’s going to be Yuri Plisetsky, but you know, remembered one. “

“I’m remembered for all the wrong reasons though. Pic drama proved that quite well.” I said quietly, feeling like I’m losing him already.

“Don’t exaggerate. Yes, that incident changed a lot, but no one can change the fact that you had an outstanding carrier. Olympic gold’s, all the medals, records, shows. You were first to jump how many quads Vitya?”I rolled my eyes in response, but I’m not really sure if he noticed.

“Ok, I get that. You don’t need to calm me down my love.”

“I don’t know what to do.” He simply said.

“Me too, Yuuri, me too.” I took a deep breath. That may be the last chance I get. “But I know that I should do something, so please let me apologize to you properly. I’m really sorry for accusing you of hiding me without a proper reason. You were right about all of it. And I’m sorry for cheating on you. I’ll do my best to prove I can change.” He didn’t respond right away, and silence almost killed me from the inside. I wanted to say what he wanted to hear, but it was difficult to do so.

“Viktor, the thing is, that I want to believe you. I want to keep being with you, to love you. And now, when we speak I feel like all of that is possible. But I’m a bit smarter now. And I know that when this call stops I’ll be on my own again. Being apart is not doing us any favors. And as we can agree now, being together aka living together is not a possibility now. And I can’t tell you when it will be possible.”

“Are you saying that we should break up, then? When we’re both so obviously in love?” I said through lump in my throat.

“I don’t know Vitya. I think that maybe we should take a break.”

\- Wait, what? You just said that you love me. That you want to believe me. That you can imagine our future together. And now you’re saying that we should get a break?

“Yes, exactly.”

“But it doesn’t make sense.” I fucked up. I fucked up and I was done. My precious Yuuri is leaving me and I’ll be no more. Everything I gave him, all for nothing. Who is going to be my prodigy now?

“Vitya, I think in order to be together, we have to learn to be apart. To be alone and feel good about it. I’m not saying that I’m not gonna ever talk with you. I just think we both need time. A lot of it.”

“How long then?” I didn’t fully understand his words. I don’t get him any longer.

“I don’t know.” He looked genuinely sad. I, on the other hand, was on the verge of crying.

“I can fly over to States if you want. Maybe if we see each other in person we’ll figure this out?”

“No Vitya. Grand Prix starts in what, two, three weeks? I can’t get myself distracted right now. You know, that I easily get stressed and then perform poorly. I need to focus on practice, not emotions.” Skating again. Who would tell that the greatest love of my life would strip me from my another greatest love?

“Then at Rostelecom, as we planned earlier?”

“That’s still during season.”

“You can’t seriously except me to wait till march.” He opened his mouth but decided not to speak. Of course I managed to jump on him again. “I’m sorry, Yurochka. I overreacted.” He nodded.

“Maybe we can like text each other once in a time? Not every day. Just sometimes? And maybe see each other at Rostelecom, if you really need that. But not for long, just for a while ok? To make sure that we won’t do something weird again.”

“Ok. If you think that will work.” Because what else than this can I really say?

“Honestly Vitya, I don’t know a single thing now.” He said, his voice a bit shaky.

“Right, of course.” We sited in silence for a moment. “Yuuri?”

“Yes?”

“I love you. I really do.”

“I know Viktor. I love you too.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!
> 
> To begin with – thank you a lot for coming up this far! We have only one more chapter to go (two, if you count epilogue). Thank you guys for keeping up with this story, leaving kudos and comments, that really helped me a lot!
> 
> About this chapter – the rape/non-con warring applies here. There’s descriptive rape scene in the end of third part of this chapter. You don’t have to read it (I think you’ll know when to stop reading, this scene is rather obvious) but bear in mind that rape is going to be discussed later on in this chapter, as well as in the upcoming one.
> 
> And as usual you can find reference in the end notes :)
> 
> See you on Friday!

**Part VIII**

**Final show**

Viktor was walking in circles around the room talking with someone in Russian. He was already doing that when I came in, only hanging the phone to give me quick “I’m sorry this is urgent, just give me a moment” to which I nodded. And here I’m now, sitting on the armchair and looking at the man that managed to turn my life upside down. It was quite a pleasant feeling to look at him. Viktor movements were still graceful and smooth, like he never noticed that he left the ice. I also liked his hair, how he touch them almost all the time, moving the fringe from side to side and tangling strands around his fingers. He was simply beautiful.

Viktor must have finished conversation because at some point he stopped his walking routine and just stood in the middle of the room with hands down. He wasn’t facing me though, so it was difficult to say what’s actually going on.

“Vitya?” I asked quietly. I could feel some sort of tension growing in the air. Maybe it was because we haven’t seen each other longer than usually? Maybe because of our semi break up? Or I’m simply missing something again? I swallowed. I can’t let it in my head. Not now, not a day before competition. _Please, just tell me something_ , I begged him in my mind. Finally, after what felt like forever, Viktor turned to me. He looked a bit sad, but he gave me sheepish smile and approached me.

“Sorry Yurochka, I just needed a second. But I’m here now.” He said taking my hand into his and sat on the armrest. “It’s so good to see you again. To feel you.” He gently brought my hand to his face. I turned it so I could caress his cheeks. He smiled for this small gesture, closing his lids for a second, simply enjoying this moment of intimacy.

”It’s fine.” I said after a while. “You know that I tend to freak out before competition.” He opened his eyes and rolled them in the response.

“Yuuri, you just won Skate America. I know you stress easily, but I guess you already proved that you’re more than capable skater.”

“I’m going to compete against Yuri Plisetsky though. And Chris is here with his trainee, Minami. I don’t know if you ever noticed that kid, but he’s awesome. It’s going be tough for sure.”

“I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. But we both know that you can perform clean tomorrow, and you can beat anyone with both your grace and skills. I’m sure you’re using stamina to your advantage. I’m not worried about you. Not at all.”

“I need to be fourth at least, to be qualified to finals.”

“You can do better than that.”

“I hope so. But you know…” He interrupted me by putting his hand on my mouth.

“Shush, stop that. There’s no need to overthink right now.” I nodded and he took his hand away. And we just sited like that in a bit of awkward silence for a while. I wanted to say something, but it was difficult to say anything without touching difficult subjects. I could tell by just looking at him that he was thinking exact the same things. But finally I had an idea.

“So who was you talking with?”

“Oh that. With Georgi. He’s performing tomorrow as well, and he’s being typically dramatic.”

“That’s his last season, right? I think he announced that after Word’s last season.”

“Yeah. So he’s more nervous than before, because, here’s quote: _he want to make an impact_. I choreographed for him, so you can imagine how difficult it was to come up with something up to his taste.”

“I saw his performance from France. I mean, that was nice. I don’t think anyone except from Georgi could pull of make up like this.” He chuckled.

“Yeah, and manage to fall on half of his jumps. Really that’s a miracle that he got bronze after all.”

\- Hey, don’t be that hard on him!” He gave me _really_ look and I smiled. Well, Georgi performances were mostly poorly executed, I have admit that. But Georgi is Georgi after all. Not many people can show so many emotions and be taken seriously. Not that he is one of those people, though.

“Well, now his panicking because he need to be on podium if he wants to qualify for finals. So he decided to move two out of three quads to second half of the program to maximize points. And I can’t really explain him that it will only hurt his points and his pride, because all of us knows that he’ll most likely fall. Yakov already gave up, but I was hoping that maybe I still have some impact on him. I don’t.” I laughed.

“Well, that’s his deeds after all.” Viktor nodded and smiled to me. Suddenly he moved his hand to my hair and tousle them a bit.

“Hey, what was that?”

“You’re so cute Yurochka, I couldn’t stop myself.” I looked at him in disbelieve.

“Really Vitya?” He only smiled in response.

***

I couldn’t believe what I saw. 111,82 points[1]. I could hear crowd screaming right after speaker presented the numbers. I was first. Better than Minami, better than Georgi, better than Yurio and anyone else. I couldn’t believe myself. I just beat world record for the short programs. God, previous record holder was Vitya. I just. How? I felt so blessed right now. Maybe I can actually achieve something. Maybe there’s something to me after all. Celestino said something to me and patted me on the back. I looked at him and hugged him in a sudden rush of feelings. I could hear him laugh and he hugged me back. It was going better than ever.

After I left Kiss and Cry booth people were cheering on me. It never happened before, not to that extent. Yakov approached me to congratulate. Minami did the same and Chris followed, cheerfully asking me for photo for what I of course agreed. Phichit was soon all around me, apparently doing live on his Instagram and trying to made me participate in it. I did. Never, in my sane mind I would do that. But apparently I wasn’t sane anymore. _Word record holder_ , I could hear Phichit calling me. I already knew what winning feels like, but that’s another level. I don’t remember going to locker room, taking a shower and changing into fresh clothes. I don’t remember answering the questions they asked me during press conference. I know my legs were like jelly and my brain was nearly empty from happiness. It was likely that I told press some sort of stupid shit, but it didn’t matter. Not now. Even if I’ll fail during free skate it won’t matter. I just beat Victor’s record. Even seeing Yurio in the corridor while leaving the rink didn’t put me out of mood. He blocked my way however, forcing me to stop. And I must say, for the short moment I felt dread. This kid has some serious glare, geez.

“Katsudon. That was good one. Congratulate.” – I looked at him in disbelief, but quickly regained my composure and smiled gratefully.

“Thanks. You did well too.” He was second, with ten points difference.

“I know. We’ll see who is better in two days.”

“Can’t wait.” I said, feeling adrenaline rush. He smiled a bit wickedly hearing my response and came closer to me, with raised hand. I repeated his gesture and he gave me high five. Apparently the word is on fire and I just happened not to notice. Or at least that is what it feels like to be high-fived by on and only Yuri Plisetsky.

I hadn’t checked my phone till I get to bed. I started scrolling through my feed. Chris posted picture with me on his Instagram and I gave him a like. There were also some messages from my family, some pics sent by Phichit and a text from Victor. I swallowed. I probably should response him earlier, but this whole day was just plain crazy. He was asking me if I could see him today. I guess I’m going to be properly congratulated when we meet, then. I sigh and replied that I’ll come to him tomorrow evening, around 6 pm, because I have morning training and I wanted to see ladies skating as well. He answered me almost ime with raised thumb. I put my phone aside and curled on my side. I still couldn’t wrap my mind around what happened today. Truly, that was probably the best day of my life.

***

I was late. It was almost seven when I got to the hotel in which Vitya was staying. I manage to come across both Yakov and Yurio while getting to his room, but I didn’t paid much attention to them except from polite greetings. Yuri was apparently a bit confused why I’m even here but I managed to left early enough to not let him ask me any questions. Our encounter yesterday was odd enough, and for sure I didn’t want to speak with him why on earth I’m visiting Victor on such hour, day before second part of competition.

Before knocking on the doors to Viktor’s apartment I took a deep breath. Excitement of the previous day already wore of a bit, but I still wanted him to praise me. No one else’s words could change everything like his. When he finally opened I welcomed him with bright smile. Oddly enough he only response was to take step back to let me in. I got there and looked at him, a bit confused.

“Hey Viktor. Sorry I’m late, but…” I stared explaining myself but he just waved his hand in the air.

“You don’t have to do that Yuuri.”

“I just don’t want you to think that I ignored you or something.”

“You didn’t?” I wanted to smile but then I realized that there was a question mark at the end of this sentence. I gave him troubled look. What is he actually implying?

“I don’t know what is going on, but I can tell that you’re in foul mood today. Maybe we should talk another day?” He ignored me.

“Take a sit, Yura. I think we need to talk right now.” After a second of hesitation I sat on the bed, and he followed, sitting right next to me. He reached with his hand to move some loose strands of hair from my forehead. “Yuuri, my beautiful Yuuri.” He murmured to himself, not really paying attention to me. I had no idea what was going on. Viktor seemed weird, not like his usual self. I swallowed and tried to talk to him again.

“Vitya, I don’t know what do you want to talk about and what are you doing, but can you get to the point? It kind of feels a bit off when you’re like that.” He blinked, my words apparently reaching him.

“Of course I want to talk about you, what else could it be? You were such an amazing artist yesterday, skating so beautifully to my program.” I wanted to interrupt him, but he didn’t let me speak. “It was a shame I couldn’t be there to watch you. Maybe if I would be present you wouldn’t make such a fool out of yourself.”

“Fool? What are you talking about? I won, and I have beaten your record.”

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about Yuuri. Everyone saw you enthralling the judges, and it was pretty visible that something is fishy. You didn’t skate that good. You’re simply not capable of doing that. You’re not me after all, even if I’m the one that shaped you. So what did you do? Did you blow one of them in the bathroom before the show for extra points? Or maybe there’s ongoing affair, hmm? Tell me Yuuri, what did you do?” I froze in place. That was pure madness. What is he even talking about? I haven’t done any of those things. Ant what was that one about shaping me? I mean he was an inspiration, but God, that was a bit too much. And it hurt to hear that I’m not as good as him, even if that’s true. I tried to move away from him, but he put his hand on my shoulder to keep me in place. I felt sudden rush of fear traveling thorough my body.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. You know I wouldn’t do such a thing. And can you please stop holding me like that? That hurts and I start to worry.” I said, trying to sound firm. He shook his head, and his hand remained in place.

“Yuuri, there’s nothing to be worry about. You can tell me what happened, I won’t be mad. We all did shameful things in order to win. I only want you to tell me everything and then apologize properly.”

“Apologize?” I tried to move again, this time with more force and he finally let me go. “I don’t have anything to apologize for. And I already told you, I did nothing. I got my scores because I deserved them. Not because I bribed someone, not because of you, I get them because of my own hard work, Viktor.”

“You did a lot of things Yura, all of them wrong. You didn’t contact me soon enough, again allowed Chris to hit on you and Phichit to use you as he pleased. And of course did something so judges gave you extra points to beat _my_ record. It was very obvious you didn’t deserved them.” Oh my god. I swallowed hardly. He snapped. He was completely mad. I don’t know what triggered it any why on earth now, but the person speaking to me now wasn’t the real Vitya, not the one I love. It was time for me to go, quickly. I rushed to the doors and tried to open them, but they were locked. I started looking around in panic, but key was nowhere to be seen. In the meantime Viktor was sitting on the bed almost motionless, looking at me without trace of any specific expression. Which was even more terrifying than him being visibly angry, or mad or anything.

“Vitya, just let me go now. Give me the key, ok? You’re not well.” I tried to convince him, but I could tell my voice was weak. He got up as I spoke and moved to me. I felt a glimpse of hope that he’s coming to let me out. He wasn’t. Instead he forced me to step back, so I was lying against the doors. Then he took another step and his face was just inches from mine.

“Don’t even think about leaving, Yurochka. I already told you, that all of yours sins will be forgiven if you’ll tell me the truth and apologize properly. Like you meant it.”

“Vitya, please. You’re scarring me.” He looked very disappointed by my answer. I reached to my jeans pocket to take my phone out, but he was quicker, and my phone landed on the floor. Shit.

“I’m only showing you your right place.” He said grabbing me by the chin. “And you’re failing greatly to comprehend it, apparently.” I shook his hand, and somehow moved away from him. He followed me however, and soon I was being hold by my shirt, just right next to the bed. My heart was beating so loudly, I was certain he was capable of hearing it. I just had no idea what to do. “I think I’ll teach you a lesson.” He said, his voice unnaturally calm. I felt another wave of dread wash over me. I didn’t like what was happening.

“Vitya, just…” I tried to stop him again, but he turned me, and showed my face in the mattress. I felt my hands being tangled by something on my back and I started to slowly see where it may be going. But he wouldn’t do that to me, would he? He loved me. He was my Vitya, my idol and my lover. He cared about me. He wouldn’t be able to hurt me, right? Panic was growing in my chest. It was difficult to breath not only because of my position. I tried to struggle, but when he took off my pants I felt like all my strength disappeared. I had no idea who was this man behind me, but that wasn’t my Vitya. “Please, no.” I whispered, but I wasn’t even certain if he heard me. He was talking but it was difficult to understand him. Everything was blurred, shapeless. There was something about creating me and making me the person I’m now, but that didn’t make any sense. Anything around me wasn’t making any sense to be honest. Then, while his cold fingers started touching my asshole, I heard him talking something about me being disrespectful to him, and about not loving him enough. When he pressed his finger inside I asked him to stop again, using the rest of my strength to speak up. He didn’t react. Instead he started talking something about showing me who do I belong to, who was the one that created me, who should I show my gratitude. Soon I felt tip of his dick entering me. I wasn’t even close to be prepared for that, but he seemed not to care. God, he’s going to fuck me, and he’s going to do that raw. There was no going back now, not from this. Abuse. That was abuse. I felt tears running down on my cheeks to soak in the bedding. Viktor snapped. Viktor repeatedly said _mine_ when he was coming. Viktor raped me. Viktor, my Viktor did that. And my mind went blank.

***

When I woke up it was still dark outside. My first thought was that I may still have enough time to hit the competition. But then all the memories returned to me and I realized I’m lying next to Viktor, probably still in his room. He must have untangled my hand at some point, I noticed. _Good, maybe if he’s still asleep I might be able to get out_ , I thought. I moved carefully and taken look at him. It hurt a lot, seeing him like that, peacefully asleep after all that he have done. It felt like someone was hitting me, seeing how calm and beautiful he was, after everything he had done. I shook myself. I need to focus on what’s important now – and that is to find the keys and get out of there. And maybe ignore how much difficulty I had moving. My hips hurts and while putting my pants on I realized there’re strains of dried blood on my inner thighs. I couldn’t let that get to me, not now. I started searching his clothes, picking up my phone from the floor in the meantime. Key wasn’t in his pants and I felt panic rushing through my veins. _Where he could put it?_ I started looking around, when I saw it, small silver key with the room number attached, lying on the shelf just right above bed. He probably put it there when I wasn’t paying attention. Or after he was already done with me. I said simple prayer of gratitude for my ancestors, trying not to think about all what happened. _Escape, now_ , I said to myself and opened the doors, quickly moving out of the room. I didn’t even look at him at him for the last time. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stand his face again.

I got back to my hotel somehow. When I finally managed to get upstairs I realized I can’t go on like this. I was terrified, barely holding together and definitely in no condition to just move on. I took couple of deep breaths and walked to Phichit’s room. When he finally opened doors after a couple minutes of my knocking he looked very much asleep and confused.

“Yuuri? What are you doing here now? It’s like 3 am.” He said rubbing his eyes. I tried to speak but I couldn’t utter a world. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He must have finally notice the state I was in.

“Viktor, he…” I manage to said. It hurt to speak his name aloud however. “Can I get in, Phichit? Please?” He nodded and when he shut door close behind him I finally allowed myself to cry. My Thai friend was visibly confused, but he didn’t ask any question, giving me time to calm myself down. He just sat close to me on the bed, and kept watching, concern painted on his face. And when I finally felt strong enough I told Phichit everything. He was sweet and comforting, and very much incapable of doing anything.

“How do you feel Yuuri?” He asked in quiet voice.

“Don’t know. I don’t feel much now.”

“Is there anything I can do for you, to help you feel better?” I looked at him, trying to be strong for me. I truly didn’t deserve a friend like him. I shook my head.

“I don’t think so. But thanks for offering.”

“Anytime, Yuuri.” Phichit said with an uplifting smile. I nodded and then we sat in silence for couple of minutes. “Do you think that maybe we should repot it?” Thai man asked finally. I shook my head in response.

“No, it would only make things worse. We’re in Russia after all, and I don’t want to risk being accused of something they consider a crime. Also, I don’t think I want to report him anyway, to be honest. I just don’t want to see him. Not again.”

“But he should be punished for what he did! And…” I interrupted him, suddenly feeling very certain about what I should do now.

“No, Phichit I can’t do that. I can’t report him. Just no. And believe me, he’s going to suffer just because I left him. The things he said about me… I know that me leaving it’s like stabbing him in the heart. However I think we should tell Ciao Ciao. I’ll very likely perform poorly in the morning, and he should know why.”

“You want to skate today? Phichit eyes widened in shock.

“I’m not going to give up now.” He looked at me terrified.

“God Yuuri, you’re going to kill yourself. That’s just reckless. Yu don’t need to prove anything to anyone.”

“Just call Celestino, ok? Now, if you please. And tell him what I just told you. I don’t think I can repeat that story again.” Phichit hesitate for a moment but he did what I asked of him. It took him a while to reach our coach and it took another moment for Ciao Ciao to arrive. And when he finally did Phichit told him short version of what happened. And then said that I don’t want to report it and that I still want to skate in the morning. Celestino was quiet for a longer moment.

“You want to skate?” Coach asked and I nodded. “How are you physically then? Are you hurt?”

“My hips hurts…” I hesitated for a moment. “And I was bleeding earlier. It hurts a lot.” I couldn’t look at them after saying that. I knew that Celestino was probably looking very serious now, while Phichit was almost panicking. But I also knew that they’re pitying me, and I couldn’t let that kind of feeling reach me. Not now.

“You know it will affect your performance?”

“I know. But I need to skate in order to qualify for finals. I need to be fourth. I know I can do that. I have to. I can’t give him this satisfaction.”

“Ok. You’re going to take some sleep now, then. You can skip morning practice, and I will assist you from the hotel to the rink to assure nothing will occur in the meantime. I also think you should stay in Phichit’s room.”

“Wait, what?” Phichit interrupted. “You can’t seriously let him skate now, not when he’s like that. And we need to report this bastard. Yuuri deserves justice.” Celestino sigh.

“Phichit I understand you very well. I’d like to see Nikiforov behind bars, honestly. But making a scene now wouldn’t help Yuuri at all. We’re in Russia and homosexual relationship are banned here. Which simply means that there would be investigation, which would probably took a long time and it could possibly end up with Yuuri being charged for inappropriate sexual behavior. Also that means media attention. A lot of it. We’re talking about some serious stuff, that would most likely involve attention not only form figure skating fans, but many other parties. And whatever happens Yuuri will hear about it until his dying days. It’s a tag you can’t simply remove.”

“I just don’t want to see him.” I said quietly, and Celestino nodded.

“I will do my best to ensure that. However Yuuri, I want you to take care of yourself from now on. Phichit and I will always be there for you, but you’ll also need professional help. I mean therapist, Yuuri.”

“I can help you find someone appropriate back in Toronto.” Thai man said quickly.

“Right.” I said. “Anything you think will help.”

***

I messed up every single jump. When the sounds of _Stammi Viccino_ reached my ears I was done. I saw his face and heard his voice with every move I made. Music was caressing me like he would do, singer voce was him whispering sweet nothings to my ears. Skating that was impossible task. What was caress in the past now was like knife cutting my skin. I failed, obviously. When I finished routine there was no crowd cheering for a long second. Everyone was confused. Then of course someone started screaming and clapping, but I already knew that they didn’t expect something like this. I didn’t even paid attention when I was being scored. There was no point. But after all I was four. Funny. It felt like fate is toying with me. But I couldn’t force myself to care.

When I was changing Yurio decided to show up in locker room.

“What the hell was that Katsudon? You was supposed to challenge me, not Georgi.”

“Hey, you can’t talk to someone like that!” Said Phichit, before I even tried to answer Yurio. Blonde skater raised his eyebrows.

“I’m going to call him however I want. Now answer me Piggy, what the hell was that?”

“I fucked up, that’s it.”

“Don’t try to sell me shit dude. What, did Viktor get under your skin? Fucked you too much? You’re walking like a little duckling.” Phichit was about to said something, but I answered Yurio first.

“Yeah, he did.” Silence in the room was a bit scary, though small part of me was proud that I managed to get Yurio off the track.

“What the hell do you mean?”

“Yuuri, you don’t have to talk to him.” Phichit said almost desperately. But something in Yurio made me want to tell him. I don’t know why, but at this point there aren’t many things I understand anyway. I quickly finished changing and took my bag from the bench. I turned my attention back to Yurio who was still glaring at me. Fully aware of how dramatic it will sound I said:

“Yesterday, after you saw me in the hotel, Viktor raped me.” Somewhat saying that aloud made me feel a bit more confident. Maybe even empowered. I didn’t pay any more attention, both to Phichit and blonde skater. I just took my stuff and left the place. Silence following my departure was almost feeling good. Almost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] It’s current word record for short program. It belongs to Yuzuru Hanyu, and was achieved during season 2019/2020 on Four Continents Championships.


	10. Chapter 10

**Part IX**

**Drowning**

I took a step and entered my apartment. Warm light was brightening up whole interior, making surfaces look almost gentle. I swallowed and slowly started to undress. Coat, then scarf and shoes. I was focusing on every move like my life depended on it. Somewhat it was difficult to breath, air was almost heavy in my lungs. It felt like my life was trying to prove me that I’m not worth moving on. Like there was no point in me without him. I felt tears flows down my cheeks. City behind my windows was only rising to wake up, but I couldn’t force myself to care.

Yuuri wasn’t answering my phone. He didn’t reply to my text, ignored my calls and messages on all his social accounts. I tried reaching out to Phichit but he declined all my calls. I was even thinking about calling Caldini, but decided against it after all. It have been 9 days since Rostelecom. I knew that I fucked up a bit, but certainly not that much. Maybe Yuuri was crushed after he failed? _It must have been tough_ , I thought lying down on my sofa. He tends to overthink when he loses, maybe that was the case this time. Maybe he was just in need of some space. He never acted like this, but well, things weren’t exactly perfect between us so maybe he needed to take a small break from us as well. However he could have told me. I shifted to more comfortable position and started scrolling on my phone. Many pictures from NHK[1] of course, since it just ended. Yurio’s boy-friend Otabek whatever their relationship status is apparently won. Another one to qualify to finals then. But I think Yuuri is still safe. Maybe not with the best position after that fourth place at Rostelecom but still. I sigh and put my phone away. It’s exhausting to be like that. Left alone I mean, without any information. Wasn’t he supposed to contact me at least once in couple days? He didn’t even left a note after that night we spent together in between short and free skate. _What a bother_ , I thought. Maybe I should call Chris and ask him about all of that. Actually, I’m going to do that just now. I picked my phone again and called him on Skype. After a while blond man appeared on my screen, barely visible because of the poor lighting.

“Give me a sec Viktor, I just need to plug my phone.” He said immediately disappearing from my view. He must have turn light on as well because everything went brighter and he appeared back on my screen in his full glory. “Hi gorgeous!” He said smiling brightly.

“Hey handsome. How are you?”

“Good. Busy though. Minami jumped in Yuuri’s place after he dropped from finals so now we’re training like mad.”

“Wait, what?” He looked at me confused.

“You didn’t know? Like three days ago Celestino announced that Yuuri is withdrawing from finals due to contusion. And Minami filled the empty spot.”

“Yuuri withdraw? But why? I know he felt down during his free but it wasn’t that bad.”

“I thought the same, but who knows? He was already limping when he came on the rink that day you know? Maybe he fell from stairs or whatever? And then he quit appearing on gala and banquet. But I figured you’d known about that, and maybe tell me what is going on.” I shook my head.

“No, I really don’t know. I saw him between short and free, but haven’t heard from him since then.”

“Did you two argued? He wasn’t looking good that day, you know? And knowing how badly he respond to any sort of bad news, maybe he was startled because of you?” I looked at him in disbelief.

“Please, stop assuming that it was all my fault. We might had conversation about us and his weird behavior during short, but that’s it. I have no idea what made him perform so badly.”

“Weird behavior during short? What on earth do you mean by that? Yuuri was just happy after performing, you know first place after short and breaking your record? Anyone would be all excited.” Chris responded eyeing me through camera.

“Oh come on, everyone saw that.” I snorted. “He must have some sort of agreement with judges so they gave him extra credit. This routine was nice, I choreographed it after all, but he didn't performed that well. And he also acted inappropriate after.”

“Viktor what are you talking about? That was beautifully executed clean short program. Every edge in the right place, all jumps on point. Just like I said second earlier, he was just simply happy after. Aren’t you exaggerating?” Why the hell is he trying to prove me wrong? Maybe I was right after all and there is something going on between Chris and my Yuuri. Maybe calling Chris was a mistake. Maybe I should confront him about this.

“Chris, stop being overprotective. I’m already a bit irritated by all the attention you give my Yurochka, so don’t test my patience pretty please.”

“Overprotective? Attention? What the hell?” He said, his voice raised. I rolled my eyes. It seems that I hit the jackpot. But part of me wasn’t ready to talk about it now. I didn’t know what’s going on with Yuuri, and Chris was still the only person I could talk about it with. So maybe I’ll throw him a tantrum later.

“Oh, just drop it. It doesn’t matter now.” He didn’t looked convinced, but after a second he just sigh in response. “So yeah, this conversation with him wasn’t entirely pleasant, but hey we had sex after so I guess everything was fine, right?”

“You had sex with Yuuri right before competition? God, why all the crazy shit must’ve always happen at Rostelecom.” I ignored that last comment.

“Yeah. You used to do that a lot, so I don’t see what’s wrong with that?” He was looking at me a bit suspiciously.

“I may or may not blow someone, but never really did anything like fucking. One way or another. And just on the side note, please stop saying things like that, like you’re slut shaming me or something. I can do whatever I want with anyone.” He glared at me and I felt shivers run down my spine.

“Fine, fine. Sorry, I didn’t meant to be rude.”

“I know, but it sounded a bit… eh, it’s not important now. Back to the subject then. So please tell me that you had safe, non-penetrative sex back then.”

“Well I fucked him.” Chris stared at me.

“Are you kidding me?”

“No, why? He needed a bit of lesson after what he did.” His face was almost white now. “Geez Chris, what’s wrong you look like a ghost.”

“Viktor it just sounds odd. You think that Yuuri paid jury or whatever to get points and then you fucked him right before his performance. And it all happened right after you two had some sort of argument and right after he beaten your record. Like, that’s fishy. Did he really agreed to bottom?”

“To think about it I didn’t really asked him.” I said after a second, reminding myself how the whole thing happened. “But I’m usually topping, so what’s the case? Also stop saying that he beaten my record. He got extra points he didn’t deserved so that’s doesn’t count, ok?”

“Viktor did he consent to have sex with you back then?”

“You just ignored my request. And also we’re in relationship so I don’t have to ask him every time, geez.”

“Viktor, I think I know why Yuuri didn’t reach out to you since back then. I really hope I’m mistaken but you’re not well anyway. Seeing people, then imagining things and now… I think you should get some help. Like ASAP.” He said, concern painted on his face.

“What are you talking about? I’m fine. I’m not seeing people like back then. And I didn’t imagined anything.”

“You do.”

“I don’t!” I exclaimed. What the hell is Chris implying? I haven’t done anything wrong. What have I’ve done to deserve such a harsh treatment from someone who was supposed to be my best friend?

“Viktor you imagined that Yuuri did some things to win, that didn’t happened. Also I think you…” - He swallowed before continuing. He looked dead serious when he spoke again. “I think you raped him.” I couldn’t believe my ears.

“I didn’t rape him. For the love of God, who do you think I am?” I wouldn’t hurt my Yuuri. Ever. How he come up with this idea? That was ridiculous. Chris was silent for a long moment.

“I don’t think I know who you are anymore, Viktor.”

***

Chris was right about one thing. Yuuri really withdraw from the Grand Prix finals. Then he skipped Japanese nationals and after that Four Continents. Almost three months without a single word from him. It was terrifying to live like this, not knowing what happened to him. I kept trying to contact him of course, but he didn’t respond. Silence was all I had. _Till today_ , I thought looking at his song charts at ISU website. Someone twitted them and they went viral of course. He was about to skate in World’s Championship and he changed all of his routines. All of them. It felt like he just stabbed me in the back. Even my precious _Stammi Vicino_ , and he exchanged it for this hideous song he danced to with Chris during camp. _Love is a bitch_ is the title. _Very adequate,_ I thought, feeling anger rising inside my stomach. So he had an affair with Chris after all. Maybe that was the reason why Chris thought that I raped my boy and why after couple of another tries to sign me for therapy he stopped talking to me. Bastard. I was set up and left on ice alone. I chuckled. On ice, how accurate. But enough is enough. I’m going to World’s and I’m going to finally make things right between me and my Yurotchka.

***

All the tickets were already sold out, so there was no chance that I could get to the rink. Even if they weren’t I would be sitting on the stands most likely to far from the rink to reach Yuuri anyway. But one call to Georgi gave me enough information to figure out on which hotel Yuuri was staying in. It was easy enough to get there and convince receptionist to tell me exact room number. It was almost funny how easy was to convince people to give you all the information you needed when you was as handsome and charming as I am. Just a smile, couple of nice words and that’s enough. Eight floor, room number 420. I called the elevator and waited patiently until it arrived. I’m finally going to see my Yuuri. My precious, beloved Yuuri.

Ride upstairs didn’t took me a long time, and when I finally arrived at the right floor I was ready to face my lover. But of course, things couldn’t go to smooth, could they? Just when I finally noticed the doors with the 420 number tag on them I heard familiar voice reaching me from behind.

“What are you doing here?” I turned to face the man calling me. Yuri Plisetsky, of course. To be honest I haven’t really talked with him for last few months. I saw him on the rink during trainings, but to think about it now, it seems like he was ignoring me then, always skating far away from me. He didn’t even call me names and insults in his usual manner of treating me. Odd, but after all he was still a spoiled brat and it was impossible to guess what he come up with in this stupid mind of his. Though, I must admit, realizing he was that quiet for such a long time was making me a bit uneasy now.

“That’s none of your business.” I said, brushing my earlier thoughts aside. This was about me and Yuuri, not about the blonde after all.

“I asked you a question and you’re going to answer me.” He said aggressively, but obviously I ignored him.. That little brat can’t really do anything to me. I started turning back to move one and get to Yuuri’s room when I felt Yurio grabbing me by shoulder. “You are not going to touch Katsudon ever again.” He said in rough, low voice. God, it sounded like he actually meant that. Not like his usual empty insults. This time it sounded like he actually wanted to threaten me. _But it didn’t matter anyway_ I thought, looking at the two people got out the elevator just right in this moment. I smiled, hope and joy filling me from inside. First man to leave the lift was Pitchit and right after him was Yuuri. My Yuuri, beautiful even in the sweats he was wearing. _God, how much I missed him_ , I realized. Thai man froze seeing me staying there and my boy stumbled not to hit his friend.

“Yuuri!” I exclaimed happily, his name feeling like honey on my mouth. It have been so long since I got to call him. “Finally, it have been so long I almost… “I swallowed midsentence. Yuuri passed Phichit, calmly pull the keys out of his pocked and reached doors to his room. He opened them, got in and closed them behind himself. All without paying me any attention. His face was like ice cold façade, not even slightly touched by my presence. His eyes didn’t even stopped on me for a second. Like I didn’t even exist. “Yuuri.” I almost whispered, feeling terribly empty inside. I didn’t know what happened, but suddenly I was certain that something went terribly wrong. That this time I couldn’t repair things. I felt tears running down my cheeks. What have I’ve done? What happened? I wept, not able to control myself anymore.

“My Yuuri.” I said quietly, his name slipped form my lips for the last time. There was nothing to keep me together anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [1] NHK Trophy is part of Grand Prix competition, that takes place in Japan.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys!
> 
> So… this is how the story ends. As you can see I already uploaded both “Part IX” and “Epilogue” – I thought that epilogue is way too short to make you wait another couple of days for it, so I added it as a small surprise for you.
> 
> Also I updated “Prologue” – I actually rewrote the whole thing. It’s still the same story but put in new, hopefully better words. No need to reread it, but if you feel like doing so, be my guest ;)
> 
> Thank you a lot for keeping up with the story for so long. I really appreciate that you spend your time with me, and I hope you liked the story! Also I would gladly read your final thoughts, so if you feel like sharing, please leave comments below!

**Epilogue**

**Angel on fire**

He was slowly rolling his hips and raising his hand as the music started. Delicate figure in the middle of the rink, his black costume strongly contrasting with the white of the ice. As he skated with the firsts chords of the song he kept moving his hips, slowly enthralling everyone with his body. He was teasing the audience, kicking his legs and giving looks from above shoulder. When male voice started singing I could feel my heart falling to pieces. He moved to the first jump, executed magnificently, and then looked at the jury with a cocky grin of his face. Ha kept moving, spreading his legs and showing off his lean, beautify sculpted body. I couldn’t take my eyes from him and I’m sure no one else could. It was almost painful to look at him, moving in deliberately slow pace, steadily growing speed as the music gained its momentum. When the sound changed, becoming more vivid, more defined his moves changed as well and became more rapid. I swallowed. His jumps, his figures, the way he tangled himself around, the way he kept bending himself, was like making love in front of the whole word. Like he was bare, stripped of all clothes and showing everyone all of those things he could do to them. But no one get to touch him, no one get to make him moan and beg for more. It was impossible to tell if he was a curse or miracle. He was slipping from their touch with every move he made. He made them follow him, he feed them the idea of him, but in the end he was kneeling alone in the middle of the rink, his chest moving rapidly. He was like promise of heaven – dreamed of by many, but never actually achieved.

I pressed the reply button on my phone and watched him skate once more and then over again, emotions washing thought me in waves each time. I caressed screen with my fingers. _Even if you will never look at me again_ , I thought and smiled bitterly to myself. _Even if you will never look at me again, I’ll always keep my eyes on you, my Yuuri._


End file.
